Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I cried today. I've been pacing. I've been cranky. I've been downright miserable. I know that breaking up was the right thing to do, but it's been really really hard.  

Our relationship was not a healthy one. It's what I turned to when I was stressed, frustrated, bored, or just hungry. And it always worked for a quick pick-me-up. But I became increasingly dependent on it. I was losing the ability to be "me" in the relationship. It was only "we". We were having a lot of ups and downs. And we weren't so happy anymore. 

So on Monday I broke up with Sugar. Yes, I know that sugar is in just about everything. But it's the Added Sugar that I love so much. Fruit is not my addiction. Sweet veggies were not my problem. No, it was just Added Sugar. It has an alias, Evaporated Cane Juice. They're one and the same. ECJ just hangs out in health food stores more. They had seduced me in an unhealthy way. 

So I said goodby. They're still hanging around the house. My kids love them, but their relationship is still controllable. I found myself reaching out to them today. I had to stop myself from accidental contact. I almost licked the jelly spoon. I almost ate MeToo's jelly bean. I'm thankful that I didn't. I want their control over me to end. I want to be a healthy me again. 

It's Day 3 and it's hard. But breakups are. And all of my past breakups led to happier futures. This is what I keep telling myself. It will be worth it. If I can just stop pacing and having the urge to cry.

1 comment:

  1. I am praying for you! Be strong!
    It's so much better to cut it out before your doctor tells you you're pre-diabetic and tells you to cut out carbs, too.
    You have my deepest sympathy. There are so many foods I can't eat, but the fact that they make me obviously sick within hours gives me strength to say no. The abstract "it's not good for me" puts more demands on your willpower.
    Mike says he's rooting for you - most people are addicted to sugar and don't even realize it. He feels so much better without it. His coping suggestions are: tea, nuts (if you're not eating sugar, hazelnuts taste sooo sweet, and they don't give you the high/crash effect), and avocado. They help combat the cravings. He still has a little jam on toast once a day, but I make him low-sugar-added jam (with no fake sweeteners, which is impossible to buy). Our kids now think there's something wrong with storebought jam and won't eat it (they complain it's too sweet and tastes funny). I suppose having to make all our own jam is a good problem?
    This week we're doing the 'low fodmap' diet here to try to figure out what else might be bothering my stomach (and Mike's). So I haven't had any added sugar this week either. It's not easy, but I can't wait for it to end. You are making it a permanent change, and that's harder. But after a couple of months, Mike says it gets easier. Most people don't make it to the part where it gets easier - hang in there! It won't always be so hard.
    And if you need someone to distract you from the donuts at church on Sunday, we plan to brave the walk closures and be there.