Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Gestational Narcolepsy

I feel another attack coming on. I need to leave the computer soon. 

When I was still working, I'd have to pull over to the side of the road. I'd try to get to a quiet neighborhood where I didn't have to worry about getting rear-ended or having someone call the cops. But the urge was so strong, I'd be forced to pull over. 

And take a nap.

There is something so heavy about pregnancy fatigue. It's like a giant weighted suit being placed on you. With more and more weight added until you submit and just lie down. 

I've tried to fight it with caffeine, extra sleep, and adrenaline-fueled work demands. But it doesn't make it go away. The attacks are always there. Sometimes you can hold them back for a little while. Sometimes you can't.

I used to feel bad about my need to nap. Not anymore. If I nap, I become functional again. If I don't, then I'm useless. So I just need to accept and adapt. Even 15 minutes makes a huge difference. 3 hours seems optimal. Especially when I only sleep in 2 hour increments at night. But life is not so accepting of gestational narcolepsy, and truly restorative sleep is rare.

I'm growing another human being here. And thanks to her, it's more difficult to move, digest, excrete, and even breathe. So excuse me as I need a few minutes to recharge. I think I've earned the right.

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