I'm shocked, horrified, and downright LIVID to see what Time Magazine put on its recent cover.
No, I'm not upset to see a woman nursing her child. No, it doesn't bother me to see a mom who looks like a model nursing what appears to be a 5 yr old son (reportedly, he's 3). I'm a bit annoyed at the title, "Are You Mom Enough?" that goes with it. When did this become a competition? No, most days I don't feel "Mom Enough", but it has nothing to do with the fact that I no longer nurse my 3 year old.
What peeves me is that it starts people talking about whether or not the mom on the cover "should" be nursing her 3 year old. WHY IS IT THEIR BUSINESS?!?!?!
Yes, Time Magazine ran the cover to get our attention and sell copies. I'm sure they're achieving their goal. Good for you, Time.
But they're also feeding into the notion that people are ENTITLED to have an OPINION on the choices that OTHER PARENTS make regarding parenting their own children. Since when do you have the right to make a judgement upon the myriad decisions I make for my children on a daily basis? Oh sure, if I'm doing something illegal or blatantly dangerous (like placing them on the tracks in front of an oncoming train), then tell me. Please, do protect my children from my dumb decisions. But what harm does it do if I nurse my girls until they're 4? Am I a horrific mom because we didn't make it past their 1st birthdays? I'm going to confess a deep dark horrific secret: I stopped nursing MeToo at 10 months. I didn't even make it to the 12 month mark. Why? Because I was going to Scotland for a week, and the mechanics of keeping my milk up for a week in her absence were just too annoying. Please, judge me now. Go ahead.
No, you shouldn't judge me!!! You don't have the right to have an opinion about the choices I make for my children! Why do people think they have this right?!?!
During a week that we should be preparing to thank our mothers for all that they have done and all that they continue to do, Time Magazine is stirring up controversy about what is the "right" or "wrong" way to parent children. Yes, the article is about Dr. Sears and Attachment Parenting. But that's not what the cover is about. The cover is about inciting judgement and self-righteousness about the choices that we and others make. We should be busy encouraging each other in the hard work of parenting that we do, instead.
Shame on you Time Magazine.
Would this make your mother proud?
I agree, people are obsessed with the personal choices and lives of others! Is it our culture or human nature? I have not seen the coover of time but being a mom I know this issue. I feel more pressure thinking about how ppl will view me when Adam has a public tantrum or does something less than angelic than dealing with the situation iitself. I also feel people are wondering is this how Muslims handle these situations? All I want to say is BACK OFF ASSFACE!
ReplyDeleteI would pay SO MUCH MONEY to see you say "back off @ssface" to someone. So much money.
DeleteIf it's any consolation (and I can't imagine that it is...) I also feel a twinge of religious judgement when I lose it in public. I imagine people thinking, "Weren't they just singing "Jesus love me" in the other aisle? Is THIS really how Christian moms are supposed to act? "
Of course, I don't wear clearly identifying religious symbols all the time, so it's not exactly the same situation.
But of course we all assume that we're being judged!
Haha! It could happen one day, I'll have to get a reality show contract so you won't miss it.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, even if I didn't wear my religion on my sleeve, I know I would still be or feel judged. It's one thing to receive advice or comments from older female relatives or friends but from people you don't know, it can sometimes feel so intrusive and hurtful.
Going back to breastfeeding, it's such a personal and touchy subject. Some who want to do it cant and others who can may not. Everyone has their own opinions on if, when, how and how long... why pit people against each other by asking "are you mom enough?"
From today's Boston Globe:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/24_hour_workday/2012/05/motherhood-mom-enough-advice.html?p1=Well_Blogs_Links
The last para:
"I hope for all of these things, but I know this: None of these wishes has a thing to do with how I feed him or sleep-train him or god-knows-what-else him. Which is how I know that these fabricated “wars” are phony every step of the way. I do not need the expensive stroller. I do not need to go into mourning if my "sleep-training method" is actually a "prayer ritual" that involves tiptoeing around the house in the dark. This is not a test. It’s a game called Extreme Parenting, and you can’t lose if you don’t play. And, really, why would you play? You have children to raise."
That was a great post. I've seen a few other wonderful and thoughtful responses, as well. Thankfully there ARE some people speaking the gospel in the wilderness. Unfortunately there are a loud group of people that are too busy making self-righteous statements about "should" and "should not" and "best way" to hear them.
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