It's been 3 weeks now that you've been employed in my care. I think things have been settling in adequately, but I wanted to provide some constructive feedback and clarification of the expectations I have for you and the meeting of my needs. Please make note of the following issues:
Meals are expected to be on time. MY time. This time may or may not be predictable. But don't worry, I'll let you know when it is time.
I prefer to poop in clean diapers. You might suspect that I will poop in a diaper as soon as you put it on me. You would be correct. Just keep those clean diapers coming, and I'll take care of the rest.
Proximity is important. Please ensure that I am attached to your body all day long. Yes, all day long. If you forget about this, don't worry, I'll remind you.
The car is nice, but only when we're driving rapidly. Sitting at red lights or in traffic is highly unsatisfying. Please avoid these situations.
Those two smaller mama-like people in the house are interesting. Please keep sending them my way. They're rather entertaining. I think I like them.
Dinner time, including the time for preparation and consumption, is MY time. Please rearrange your schedule accordingly.
All in all, I think we're off to a good start. Please correct some of the errors you've been making in the aforementioned areas, and I'm sure we'll get along just fine.