Monday, May 23, 2016

A Day in the Life

I'm a big fan of the phrase, "Never compare your insides to someone else's outsides." 
In other words, don't compare how you feel to how other people seem to be doing. Because you don't know their insides. You only see their outsides. And they're usually more well-presented than their insides. This is why I strive to never paint a picture of perfection on this blog. On Sunday morning, my girls are all dressed in cute dresses, can sit mostly quietly through church, and look pretty good. I might even be wearing pantyhose. But my house has tumbleweeds of dog fur, my clean laundry is in piles, and our life is chaos much of the time. I'm OK with this. This is just the phase of life I'm in right now.

But today was particularly chaotic. HurricaneDebbie was in rare form. So I thought I'd share the messy insides of our family life:

HurricaneDebbie (HD) started the day by taking my glasses off of the nightstand and running around with them. I'm thoroughly blind without corrective lenses. If she hadn't brought them back, I would not have been able to find them without walking into a few walls. By the time I got to my contacts, I probably would have injured myself.

HD is experimenting with the boundaries of obedience. If she crosses her eyes and frowns when I ask her to do something, what will happen? If she starts to do what I tell her to do, but moves at a speed of 1 millimeter per second, what will happen? If she flat out says "no", what will happen? And if she just hides, what then?

She was determined to be a human blanket for her baby sister. Or at least work out any kinked muscles by leaning an elbow into her tiny body. Poor LittleFritter had no idea the imminent danger that lurked nearby all day long.

When we went to the playground with a mom-friend around noon, I insisted that HD wear her sun hat. She initially protested. And then just took it off whenever she thought I wasn't looking. Over and over.

Potty training is going well; and having an independent 2 year old seems like a good idea. Until they insist on trying to clean up their own poop accidents without telling you. Of course she did this while I was feeding her baby sister. I'm getting better at playing "where's that smell coming from?" But I despise that game.

HD had to try on multiple pairs of shoes before leaving to get her sisters from school. I've learned that I should tell her to put on her shoes 30 minutes before we actually leave. And have a backup pair hidden for when she somehow misplaces all of her shoes whenever we're running late.

Despite trying my iced coffee before and not liking it, she decided to take a giant drag from my coffee cup while I was getting LittleFritter in the van. She decided she didn't like the mouthful she had, and spit it all out onto the van floor. Have kids? You need WeatherTech floor mats. Worth every penny.

HD was playing in the front yard with her sisters before dinner. She decided she needed to wear her bathing suit. Then she decided she needed to take it off. Our dinner guest pulled up just in time to see a naked HurricaneDebbie streaking across the lawn. The whole neighborhood saw her streaking across the lawn. I was barefoot on the porch, holding the baby. It was a lovely white trash moment.

I ordered her inside to put clothes on, or just be naked inside. Her choice. She chose to lock the screen door while we were still out on the front porch. Then she couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Thankfully, HeyMama had left the back door unlocked, and ran around the house to let us in.

My friend who came over for dinner also has multiple young children. We agreed that toddlers are evil. And if there was such thing as toddler boarding school, we'd absolutely send them. I like babies. I like 4 year olds. But that 2-3 phase? Not so much. 

And that's why Mommy was drinking wine before dinner. And during. And after...

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