Checking In

We're still here. We're actually all doing quite well. We're having a great summer, and we're quite busy. I'm not the type of person who likes to keep us running all day, so this busyness is a bit exhausting and disorienting to me. And it causes me to curl up in a ball and not blog. Or make phone calls. Or emails. But really, we're fine, I promise.

We had a great vacation to see BestestHusband's extended family. The girls had a blast with their cousins. And I had some quality time with my sister-in-law comparing notes and trying to navigate the world of being married to men from BestestHusband's family. (It's a pleasure and a conundrum, all at the same time.) And we ate a lot of good food. And drank a lot of beverages. And spent a lot of time on a lake. And it was grand.

Then we came home and I got a visit from an old college friend, and got to meet her two kids. There were 5 kids aged 5 and under in the house. It was pandemonium. And a cacophony. But fun. We even made a visit to the art museum, which was a fun adventure. I mean, where else should you take 5 young children? But my girls can't wait to go back. Well, maybe HeyMama can't wait. MeToo was upset that there was no toy room like the science museum. 

Then we took the older girls to Tanglewood. There's nothing more magical than listening to the Boston Symphony play music you grew up loving and playing, while sitting under the stars and drinking wine. Unless it's doing that while snuggling a cold bored 4 year old in your lap. (As an aside, when planning a fancy picnic, read all ingredients carefully. The "fancy lemon drink" I bought for the girls was a lemon shandy. I assumed it was like a lime ricky. Shandy, ricky, whatever. I did not learn until we opened them at the picnic that a shandy has alcohol in it. Trader Joe's did not do me any favors by featuring these bright yellow cans at the end of the aisle, away from the rest of the beer. Thanks a lot, TJ's.)

Then I hosted a few friends for an evening of facials while BestestHusband and the big girls watched the Lego Movie at our local park. Now the girls want to watch it again when our friends' housing association plays it again this week. I guess at least I'll get to watch it. With great skin.

Somewhere in all of that BestestHusband and I celebrated our 9th anniversary. One night in his hometown, we actually snuck out after kid bedtime, went to a bar on the waterfront, and enjoyed uninterrupted conversation while ordering cocktails that perplexed the bartender. (Unfortunately, it wasn't that difficult. Expectations for a great evening out change after 3 kids). We discussed the next year of our marriage. I'm greatly looking forward to all that it might hold. 

And then there's the daily grind. We go to the gym. We go to playgrounds. We go to the library. We meet up with friends. We wait for the baby to finish napping. We go to the farmer's market and have everyone ask to pet the dogs. And ask if all 3 girls are mine. And ask if we're trying for a boy next. (the answer's no!) And choose produce based on color. (We got purple carrots!) And then get cookie treats and face-painting.

And somehow the summer is racing by. Wow. I'm not sure how. There's so much we still need to do!!!

So forgive me if I've been a bit distant. My goal is to blog more often, even if the posts are shorter. 

See you soon!

Playground Politics

I don't really feel like I can label myself as a parent. 

I'm not an Attachment parent. I'm certainly not a Playful parent, and absolutely not a Helicopter parent. I do lean towards being a Free Range parent at times. I'm not a Mama Bear or Tiger Mom. I guess I can describe myself as a This-World-Is-Big-Scary-And-Demanding-And-You-Need-To-Start-Practicing-Now parent. I encourage taking on responsibility as a member of the household. ("No, it's your lunchbox. My hands are already full. YOU can carry it into the house.") I encourage trying to solve problems independently first before requiring parental mediation. ("Did you ask her to share the markers with you? No? Then go ask.") I kiss boo-boos, but don't allow them to become the end of the world. ("Oh, that's quite a scrape, I bet it hurts! Did that happen because you were running downhill in flip-flops again? Yeah, maybe you won't do that next time.") So I'm not all over my kids at the playground. They generally behave well enough for me to keep my distance, and I make sure they're in my sightline, even if that is too far off for me to actually hear what they're saying.

Urban playgrounds are a wonderful place to practice maneuvering in our big scary world. There are kids of different ages, races, languages, socio-economic backgrounds, and parenting philosophies. Boston has some truly world-class playgrounds, and in the summer, some of them have great fountains and water features. We met up with friends at one of our local sprinkler playgrounds on Monday. And experienced a unique parenting "opportunity." 

HeyMama, MeToo, and their best friend Rockstar were playing in the water with 3 buckets we brought along. We moms and Rockstar's baby sister were sitting in the shade, a good 30+yards from where the girls were at that moment. MeToo came running up to me. Something was up. She told me that someone else took one of the buckets, and wouldn't give it back. I looked over, and sure enough, a little boy had one of the buckets. "Did you ask him to give it back?" (The standard question.) "No." (The standard answer.) "Go tell him nicely that you brought the bucket, and you'd like to have it back." MeToo ran off. Now, I'm willing to step in as needed, but I want the girls to learn to use their words for negotiating these situations. When they're in good moods, they can be quite successful with one another, and especially with other friends. They use the word "please". They really do ask nicely. They suggest sharing, turn-taking, or trading, depending on the appropriateness in the situation. It's a delight to watch. When it works. 

Well, I watched MeToo run back to the boy. I watched her try to ask for the bucket back. I watched the boy drink water from the bucket. Then spit it in her face. She moved back. He spit again. She ran. He chased her, spitting water at her as she tried to escape. The words were not going to work today, no matter what she said. Now, I want my girls to be independent. But I also want them to EXPECT words to work. And have the expectation of justice. So I knew that it was time to actually get involved. I hauled my pregnant butt off the ground and met up with MeToo, who was pretty upset. I coached her on how to try again. I held her hand and walked up to the little boy. She tried talking to him. He ignored her. So I tapped him on the shoulder. He ignored me. He had a friend with him, who did notice me and talk to me. "She said 'please', " he told me over and over, referring to MeToo. Because even he knew that asking nicely and saying "please" actually deserved a response. I tapped the perpetrator on the shoulder again. I kindly asked him to give the bucket back. And refrain from spitting. He sulked. He gave it back. And ran off. 

A mom standing nearby commented that she and a few other moms had been watching the whole situation go down. They were wondering if they should intervene. The girls had put the bucket down, so he reasonably picked it up to play with. But his aggression made it too difficult to get back. The moms who noticed the situation were not the moms responsible for the boy. I noticed the situation from over 30 yards away. I was physically confronting the boy, even touching him by tapping him on the shoulder. But no adult responsible for him appeared. If I found another parent addressing my child, I'd be sprinting my giant belly across that playground. Especially if any physical touching occurred. I'd be more concerned about whatever my child had done wrong than what that parent was saying, but I'd be all over that. I was surprised that no one showed up.

I recently read an article written by the mother of a frequent perpetrator:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/malina-saval/parent-bullies-on-the-playground_b_3196632.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=2845573b=facebook

She described an afternoon at the playground with her son, who has behavior issues, including violent outbursts. She described the "bullying" parents who came to report to her about the aggression inflicted upon their kids by her 6 year old son.

My first "real" job out of college was teaching at a school for children with autism and severe behavior disorders. I have seen truly violent and explosive kids. I have helped restrain them until we could ensure the safety of the other kids in the class. I have witnessed the heartache, frustration, and exhaustion of their parents. I have seen the mountains that these parents have tried to move to help their children. So I definitely had some sympathy for the mother writing the article. But only some.

The problem is, there are too many children at playgrounds who aggress NOT because they have a psychological disorder, but because they have parents who aren't supervising them adequately. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of MeToo getting water spit at her by the little boy. ("Oh you poor poor thing! What did that nasty little boy do to you?" - heck NO!) But I also wasn't going to allow her to be a quiet victim, either. It's hard to know why other kids hit or spit just by watching them from a distance. Do they have a diagnosis? Or are they just punks?

At my teaching job, when we took the kids out into the environment, we took the utmost care to ensure that the outbursts of the kids could not affect other children in the community. Our students needed the chance to learn to behave appropriately, but not at the expense of other kids' safety. 

I agree with the author mom who described the approach of the other parents as harassing and unhelpful. If I saw a child hit my girls on the playground, I'd be right there in that moment. I'd first try to coach them through a confrontation. "You hit me and that hurt me. Please don't hit me again." I'd encourage the other child to talk through it. Or maybe even apologize. And if the other child didn't, I'd ask him/her to point out their parent. Or start yelling "Whose kid is this?!" until they showed up. Then I'd go ask them to help orchestrate the confrontation between the children. Tattling 30 minutes after the event is pointless. The kids have moved on. Parents need to, as well. But aggressive children, including the one in the article, need the chance to hear about the harm that they're causing. They also need the chance to make amends, like we have to do in the grown-up world. They need the chance to receive forgiveness. They can help teach our other children about what it is to lose one's temper and feel really sorry about it. We all do it at some point. We need to practice giving and receiving forgiveness for it. 

I'm sorry that the boy in the article with the behavior problem didn't get that chance. And I'm sorry that the boy at our playground didn't really get that chance, either. And I'm sorry that the author of the article sees herself as a victim. Because she's absolutely not.

Stewardship Sunday. It's Sunday again?

It's Sunday again. Didn't we just have one of those the other day?

I'm still coffee-free. I don't really miss it anymore. I do miss the caffeine highs. But not the crashes. I feel more even-keeled. That's a good thing when you have 2 and 3 year olds in the house. 

I'm tired. Not drinking coffee has gotten me to bed earlier. But is has made me less productive. I guess this is the trade-off of being healthier?

So let's get down to business and report on the week. My bed is calling my name.

Food waste:  We threw out some overly-old fish. It was too bad even for BestestHusband. Rarely does he turn down some too-old leftovers. But this week he did. We were better than last week in the food waste department. I used up over half of my green onions today in a scallion pancake recipe. I'm optimistic about the rest. But we went fruit-picking yesterday, and brought home 5 lbs of blueberries, 1 quart of raspberries, and a peck of peaches.They are all amazing. But ripe, so I need to eat or preserve them NOW. I've had worse problems to deal with...

Money: I did hit another end-of-season sale for work clothes online. I think $55 for a work dress and linen summer blouse is a pretty good deal. The box hasn't arrived yet, but hey, if they don't fit, the store is next to the grocery store for easy returns.

Patience:  The Patience Angel came to our house this week. I'm praying she moved in. I really do feel calmer and more patient, and didn't find myself yelling this week. This is an amazing thing. Answer to my prayers? Result of no coffee? Maybe a bit of both? I'm just praising the Lord that this change has come about and hoping it's a permanent one.

Time:  We had a fun week with some fun adventures. We did errand running at the beginning of the week, but Friday, the girls and I hit the town. We took the bus and train into the city, and were on the move for 8 hours. We did an errand at the new Charlie Card store. It was pretty painful. But then we ate an alfresco lunch, listening to a pianist near the fountain at Park Street. We walked to the Frog Pond and went swimming/wading. We cleaned up and went to Cambridge to visit BestestHusband at work. We picked up baked treats along the way. We hung out at BH's office for a bit, then went to meet the girls' best friend, Bea, at the library. Well, the library closed before we got there. But we hung out a bit outside, then went to the farmer's market there. I totally miscalculated time, but the girls didn't care. We got home too late and the girls loved every minute of it. Saturday, we took the girls fruit-picking. Tougas Farm was fantastic for little kids. They had goats to pet, a huge playground, and lots of berries and peaches to pick. They also had apples, but we decided to wait until my parents get here to do that. The housework is not done. I have a ton of stuff to do to start up my practice. There is just so much I need to do. But it's summer still. We need to drink it in while we can. While my planning wasn't perfect, I don't think we misused our time at all.

M&Ms: I finished off those frozen chocolate banana slices all by myself. Sorry BH... But no M&Ms. Now, the peach frozen yogurt I made earlier this evening, that's a different story. Homemade yogurt, hand-picked super ripe peaches, homemade frogurt from the two of them. How can you resist?

So I'm thankful again to be blessed with yet another wonderful week. I look at pictures on Facebook of friends around the world doing exciting and exotic things. And wouldn't trade it for a moment of what we've got now.

Hope your next week is a great one! 

Tanglewood

The place is magical.
I wasn't introduced to it until I was a young adult, but it quickly seduced me with its charms.


Close your eyes and visualize this:
It's a mild summer evening.
The stars are twinkling overhead.
You're sitting on a broad lawn, with lawn chairs and picnic blanket spread out.
You just ate a gourmet picnic.
You have a glass of wine in hand.
Everyone around you is happy, basking in the magic of the place.
The sun is setting gloriously behind you.
One of the world's premier orchestras in onstage, ahead of you.
They're outside, too.
The music wafts across the lawn and out into the night.
Your heart soars and dips along with the music.
The world feels still and peaceful.
You're at peace.


That's the best I can do to explain Tanglewood. It's the summer home of the Boston Symphony Orchestra. They host other performers, as well. But if you like classical music, Tanglewood is your musical mecca.


It's become a bit of a family tradition. We try to go at least once a year. This was the first year we took both girls and all enjoyed it. (previous attempts were less than successful, to say the least.) The girls picked out their favorite sun dresses. They wanted to be fancy. They danced when the music was danceable. MeToo guffawed at the giant bass drum in "Fanfare for the Common Man", she thought its sudden beats were hysterical. When the music got quieter, they colored and looked at books. When it got too dark, they wrapped themselves in the picnic quilt. When it got too late, MeToo snuggled into her stroller with her paci and doll, and put herself to bed. HeyMama followed a bit later, snuggled in the blanket. Then BestestHusband and I could finally snuggle into our chairs and just enjoy the music. Just like we did before we had kids.


I have a lot of wonderful memories from growing up, but I wonder what it would be like to have childhood memories of going to Tanglewood. That's a gift we plan to give to HeyMama and MeToo. We look forward to making those memories.

Celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary and Tanglewood's 75th birthday.

HeyMama had a blast running races with herself on the lawn near the visitor's center.

MeToo had a blast rolling in the soft grass. HeyMama eventually joined her.
Check out that view...

Not a bad picnic dinner...

Stewardship Sunday

Whew, what a week. It was a week of fireworks. Literally. I live in one of the most patriotic neighborhoods in the US. They don't even let state laws slow them down. Why shoot off illegal fireworks just one day a year when you can shoot them off every night that it's not freezing? And yes, I was the crazy lady out barefoot in pajamas, yelling up the hill to the revelers, "Knock it off! I called the cops! It's 1:30am!" And I was the therapist with glazed eyes the next morning siting at the wrong desk, annoying the full-time therapists.


I had an interesting experience with a neighbor at 1:30am. One of my neighbors is almost always shirtless. He's in his 50's. Balding with a comb-over. Paunchy. Never stepped foot in a gym. He's the baby of 9 kids, and was always coddled a bit. Still living rent-free in his (now-deceased) Mama's house. Kinda creepy. Well, Creepy Shirtless Neighbor was out at 1:30am. He apologized for being shirtless, blaming it on getting soaked during the fireworks on the Esplanade. No, he's shirtless because he's Creepy Shirtless Neighbor. And now he's seen my in my pajamas. I shudder just thinking about it...


We had a super-fun week. We were busy enjoying the summer, outdoors. We saw the tall ships on Wednesday. We played with friends. I went to the gym. We had a workday at our friends' house, immediately followed by a birthday party. We took naps. It was a great week.


And now I'm tired. So I'm going to report on my resource management for the week and take a shower.


Food waste: Last week was bad. I didn't post about it, but trust me on this one. This past week, not so much. The fresh lettuce and greens in the backyard are helping me quite a bit.

Money: Ouch again. A trip to TJMaxx for preschooler undies resulted in finding more sandbox toys and fun stuff to do on our upcoming vacation. Good deals, but still, ouch. Oh, and I went out for a girls' night out. Tasty sangria and tasty desserts aren't free.

Patience:  Fair. I was having a rough week for other reasons, but the gym time did help.

M&Ms:  I finished off my container of Mama's Magic Beans (Trader Joe's Mint Chocolate covered espresso beans), but did share them with others. The M&Ms are down in the basement, safely out of my consciousness. The dark chocolate frozen yogurt, unfortunately, was not.

Time:  We did a lot of play dates and play time with friends this week. We went out for a family outing on the 4th. We were outside a lot. This is what we SHOULD be doing in our short Boston summer. We used our time well, as far as I'm concerned. The cleanliness of our house definitely suffered. Oh well. 


Time to get ready for a new busy week. How was your week?