P90X with a Toddler

So yesterday started off very badly. In fact, by 9:15am, I had admitted defeat and was headed back to bed. We were getting hit by a December Nor'easter (a cold-weather ocean storm, similar to a tropical storm but with cold rain or snow). Two cups of coffee just weren't kicking in. Everyone was grumpy. We got the big girls on the bus, and headed towards the gym. I was hoping an hour on the treadmill would turn things around. But the parking lot was full. As were the street spots anywhere near an entrance. Did I mention that it was raining sideways and cold? So I gave up. I admitted defeat, turned around, and went home. I put my overtired (and now I realize sick) toddler in her crib, laid down in the bed next to it, and we went to sleep. When we both woke up later, things were better. After a quick lunch and some tylenol for LittleDebbie, things were great. The day had turned around. But the babysitting room in the gym was scheduled to close in 20 minutes, and I still wanted to exercise. 

That's when I remembered the P90X DVDs that BestestHusband had borrowed from a coworker a while back. We still had them. And I wanted to try them out. 

I picked a workout that looked like it had some cardio and strength training in it. And I did it. And the day was completely salvaged. All was not lost, after all. I even FELT like I got a good workout, better than the one I would have gotten if I just went to the gym. Maybe I should just do the whole P90X program?

So this morning, after spending 30 minutes at the bus stop in the rain (yes, it's still raining. Send an Ark...), LittleDebbie and I came home to do P90X. I was motivated. I've been wanting to do strength training for a while, and I know myself well enough to know that I need to join a class to do it. And the classes offered when I'm usually at the gym are targeted to older ladies. Much older. Think Seniorcise. So maybe P90X is the answer to my prayers...

I did the first DVD, which targets arms and back, and then abs. And I learned a few things. I knew the part about my horrendously poor upper body strength. That's old news. And the part about my lazy core. I was aware of that, too. But there's a reason that the DVD shows 4 hard-bodies working out in a studio. Showing real people in their real homes would not be nearly as pretty:

"Show some intensity! Kick forward! Side! Back! Then other leg!"
Ok, don't kick the TV, don't kick the sofa, don't kick the kid. Move over to allow room to use the other leg.
"Stretch both arms high, and do big circles."
Ow! When did that light fixture start hanging so low?
"Take a few moments to get some water and be ready to bring the intensity!"
Crap. Where's LittleDebbie? I need to go find her...
"Run in place to keep your heart going, and be ready for legs!"
Where did all of the Christmas ornaments go? And where is LittleDebbie now? I need to go find her...
"Time for some jacks. Jumping jacks are great!"
Jumping jacks are not great after having 3 kids. I'll just cross my legs and jump in place, thankyouverymuch. Ok fine, I'll wave my arms around, too.
"And lunge, punch, hook! Other leg! Lunge, punch, hook!"
Lunge, oh, there's an ornament on the mat! Hey LittleDebbie, please leave my mat alone, put it down!
"30 military pushups! Here we go!"
Hey, I can barely do one pushup, even without you climbing on me. Get off my back, kid!

So I learned that I need to be more relaxed to my workout than the instructor would prefer. I don't yet have all of the equipment I need. But bungee cords from the basement meet my fitness needs for now. I need to set up the play yard for the toddler in advance. She will eventually end up in there. I no longer am interested in working out 'til I feel like puking. Exercising makes my day better. Puking does not. I'll do one only as long as it doesn't result in the other. Who am I trying to impress? The guy on the DVD? I'll stop when I feel like it. 
Doing the workout at 80% accuracy is still better than I would get at the gym. And I think I know a bit more about pelvic stability and residual diastasis than the guy in the DVD. I'll modify my abs workout as I see fit. 

Don't worry buddy, I'll still "Bring It." I'll just bring along my body that's still recovering from having 3 kids in 5 years, my 15 month old, and the limitations of a small living room in a city condo, as well.

What's Your Excuse?

It's been a few weeks since I checked in. What's my excuse? Well, there was a birthday party for MeToo and a gravity-defying cake to construct… There was a holiday with visiting in-laws and a lot of food to prepare… And mostly, there was just life. Life feels a bit overwhelming right now. It's all good stuff, but I'm overwhelmed all the same. 

It was a Facebook post that stirred me to blog today. A childhood classmate of mine commented on something and I kind of spewed a lot of pent-up opinion back. I stepped up on my soapbox at perhaps an inappropriate time. Well Jennifer, I apologize that I used your status update to vent my annoyance at Maria Kang. I know, she's old news. And you were finding encouragement from her to do something you wanted to do. I completely undermined that. And I'm very sorry. 
So I'm going to make matters worse and more ridiculous by expounding on why her meme got under my skin this morning.

When her picture first started circulating on FB, my initial reaction was "Wow, she looks great! Good for her!" I had just given birth to LittleDebbie and did not look anything like she does. And then I started to think about the line "What's your excuse?" I tried to think of ways that those words could be uttered kindly. Perhaps as a tease? She doesn't know me well enough to tease me. Perhaps as a challenge? Perhaps as a taunt? A challenge can come in kinder terms, like "I can do it, and so can you!" I couldn't help but decide that it was a taunt to anyone who didn't look like her. But I brushed it off. I don't feel the need to look like her, so it didn't bother me. Thankfully, other people do see her commentary as encouragement, as can be found in the comments of her website and blog. She really is encouraging people to change for the better, and I commend her for that. She has travelled a long and rocky road of eating disorders and personal challenges to get to where she is today. I applaud her for what she's done for herself. After reading her blog and a few articles, I have a vague understanding of why she is what she is and why she says what she says.

So I'm going to take her seriously for a moment and answer her question.

I don't look like her because it's not my priority to look like her. 

Once upon a time, I looked something vaguely similar to her. I was a lightweight rower in college. And after college I ran and completed a marathon. I worked out 2-4 hours per day, 6 days per week. I was in my early 20's. Rowing was my sport and my social life. It was all-consuming. I was in great shape. I looked great. (I didn't appreciate it back then, but I just looked at a photo album recently and saw pictures of myself. I appreciate it now.) I ate well and exercised a lot and was very healthy. Other than a few part-time jobs and a double-major class load, it was all I needed to do in life. 

To look like that again, I would need to:

• Work out 2-3 hours per day, 6 days per week for 6 months to a year. After that, I would need to work out 1-2 hours per day, 5 days per week to maintain it. 
• I would need to reduce my current calorie intake significantly.
• Go back to physical therapy to rebalance my pelvic girdle to keep myself from getting injured from all of the exercise.
• Do a lot of intensive core exercises to cure my diastasis to keep myself from getting injured from all of the exercise.
• Stop nursing my baby and switch her to formula so that the reduced calorie intake and increased demands on my body didn't reduce her food supply. 
• Probably hire a babysitter a few hours per week to watch the kids when my husband has too much work to do to watch the kids while I go to the gym. 
• Get custom orthotics made to manage my shifting arches and reduce knee and back pain when I exercise. (I'm actually in the process of doing this now. Yikes! They're pricey!)

As a result:

• I would look awesome.
• I would be in great shape and have more energy.
• We'd have less money to spend on other things.
• My children would see much less of me.
• My husband would see much less of me.
• I'd have more difficulty keeping up with household demands and would likely want to hire a cleaning lady. Which would take more money away from other things. 
• I'd have less time to volunteer at church, HeyMama's school, and MeToo's preschool. 
• My life, and consequently my family's life, would revolve around my need to exercise.

I do know mothers who exercise this much. In general, it seems like exercise is both their job and their hobby. They do both well, and seem to enjoy them. I applaud them. They look great, they seem to have a great balance in their lives (well, at least as FB will lead me to believe), and all is well. I know moms who exercise this much to manage health issues, such as depression and neurologic disorders. Again, I think that this is wonderful. Exercise is a healthy thing, and if it can replace pills to manage medical problems, I think that's fantastic. It's a win-win, if you ask me. 

But I am not that person. It is not fun to me. It is not my job. It is not something that alleviates other miseries in my life. It is something I must do more of to be healthier. It is something I tolerate. It takes away time from other things I'd rather be doing. (Yet I try to do it anyway). I remember once reading an article in Runner's World about a man who never missed a day of running in 30 years. He was older, which made it even more impressive. And then it talked about how he had missed graduations and birthdays, and his children "understood" because that was just who he was. But even if his children "understood" that dad couldn't be there for their birthday party because he had a race to run, did it make them feel good that running was more important than they were? The article has haunted me ever since. It's good for parents to have hobbies, to have interests, to have passions. But the article made me sad for his children. Exercise is good. It should have a place in everyone's life. But it didn't seem to me that it should be of higher priority than one's own children. I vowed then that it never would be in mine.

That said, I agree with Maria Kang about what a sad epidemic obesity is. She speaks out loudly about the dangers of obesity. I've absolutely seen them while working in healthcare. Obesity can set off a cascade of nasty problems: diabetes with all of it's complications (neuropathy, blindness, strokes), heart disease, wounds that won't heal. It's ugly. And I agree with her that the level of obesity in children is horrifying and a bad omen for our society's future. But there's a difference between being in good cardiovascular shape and looking like her. Someone can be far from obese and actually in good cardiac shape without having her chiseled physique. They're not the enemy. And I suspect that most of the people hearing her message are actually in that group. 

I hate to sound like someone who went to a liberal university, but I did and I'm going to make this statement anyway:  Obesity is a class issue. That at least seems true in Boston. We're an overall very fit and healthy city. This is helped greatly by the fact that we're a young city with many students and professionals. We're also a city with a high level of income. We can afford to exercise. Ok, so some exercise is free, like walking or running. And yes, a lot of that happens in Boston. Living in a densely packed neighborhood with public transportation allows many opportunities to leave the car at home and head out on your feet. This low-level exercise adds up. But the exercise required to look like Maria costs time. A lot of time. This time is more precious when you're working multiple jobs and caring for multiple kids. Have you priced a jogging stroller lately? Or tried to get your young children out for a brisk walk without one? How exactly is that single mother barely scraping by going to get out for her intensive cardio workouts? Who's going to babysit for her to get it done? Maria is lucky to live in a world where she truly believes that everyone has the same resources and opportunities to do what she does. Some people truly do have good excuses not to exercise like she does. And I don't think it's a coincidence that the women with the best physiques in Boston seem to cluster in certain neighborhoods - the ones with more Starbucks and less gun violence.

I promise that I'll stop ranting soon, but I want to turn the tables on her original challenge for a moment. Her challenge assumes that everyone shares her goal of optimal fitness. I agree with those who say that her challenge only carries power if you actually do feel like you should be physically fit, and if not, it's not offensive. Perhaps my offense does come from some deep-seated guilt for not looking like I did at age 20 now that I'm 36. But I'll make some similar statements and see how they fly:

• I always feed my family home-cooked meals. Even when I work overtime. What's your excuse?
• We're a one income family, but we still manage to pay cash for our cars, save regularly for retirement, college, and a rainy day, and we give a percentage of income to charity. What's your excuse?
• We only eat organic and local, even in the winter. What's your excuse?
• I work, but still grind my own flour and bake my own bread. What's your excuse?
• My kids are 3 and 4, but they always clean their own rooms without help. What's your excuse?
• My baby's been sleeping through the night since he was 8 weeks old. Yours is 8 months old. What's your excuse?
• We both work, but still have our baby in cloth diapers and make our own baby food from scratch. What's your excuse?

These comparisons can be made about anything that anyone does, in a constant one-upmanship. Do some of them sound ridiculous to you? I can assure you that they don't seem ridiculous to the person saying (or hopefully just thinking) it. Even if they don't offend you, certainly you can agree that the sanctimonious tone is unhelpful?

So, Maria Kang, I applaud what you've overcome in your life. I applaud what you're trying to do for public health in America. I applaud you for turning a passion into a career and opportunity for celebrity. Bravo for encouraging so many people to work harder at becoming more fit. But please consider that not everyone has your life, and not everyone has your priorities. And please consider keeping your sanctimony to yourself.

Thanks,
A mom who will only prioritize being in decent shape, at least until her children need less of her time.


PS. Here's the gravity-defying cake. Thanks to BestestHusband's parents for managing dinner and childcare while I worked on it.

Slacking Off

I've always struggled with slacker tendencies.
In fact, since I typed the first line, I've gotten up to eat dessert, watch The Bachelorette, read email, and snuggle with the dogs. I'm easily distracted. And can easily justify it all.


Summer is making this worse. We're out having fun and are home less, so I'm less likely to sit at the computer writing blog entries. I'm less likely to heat up the kitchen by cooking. And I'm more likely to blow off a trip to the gym to stay home and enjoy other things. 


Today, I dressed in gym clothes, with the plan to go later this afternoon. I knew it would be a busy day, and I didn't want to have to do multiple costume changes. We met up with friends and played at a playground for a few hours. We came home. I was tired, and wasn't really motivated to clean. So I joined MeToo for a nap. It's a rare opportunity, and I wanted to capitalize on it. And I needed the sleep. So when I woke up, it was close to gym time, but I hadn't started laundry or pre-prepped dinner. So I started working on laundry, and HeyMama helped me. So we hung out wet laundry out on the deck. MeToo woke up and joined us. It was SO NICE outside! I decided that we needed a salad for dinner, and the girls and I went to the garden to pick some greens. We puttered around in the back yard for a while. HeyMama was captivated by the concept of picking and eating mint leaves straight from the garden. We played outside. We dug in the sand pile that will eventually be moved into our new sand box. Everyone was happy, no one was rushed, and it really was a lovely afternoon. Going to the gym really would have ruined all of that. I made a salad and grilled the chicken. We were able to eat shortly after BestestHusband got home from work. We had time to enjoy a relaxing dinner out on the patio. Going to the gym would have ruined all of that. 


I really was motivated to work out today. Seriously. I'm not even trying to be funny. But sometimes opportunities arise that are more important than accomplishing my daily goals. I know that when I'm 80, I won't care much about getting to the gym 3 days a week. I will remember trying to teach MeToo how to use a clothes pin, and how helpful HeyMama wanted to be. I will remember the feel of the evening air and the joy of sharing a meal on the patio with my family. I know that I'm making good choices for my family. But it doesn't help my slacker tendencies at all. And it only reinforces my tendency to justify things...


Happy Monday!

Stewardship Sunday, Marathon Edition

Tomorrow is Patriots Day. In Boston, that means its Marathon Monday. The weather is supposed to be so warm that they're offering runners the chance to defer until next year. They're training the runners and bystanders to do CPR on each other. One official described it as a potential "mass casualty event". They're encouraging the charity runners (who didn't need to complete stringent qualifying times in other races) to not do it. What a tough choice to make. Glad I'm not the one making the decision.


I actually did run a marathon once, years ago. Melissa talked me in to it (Happy Birthday Melissa!) I was moping about relationship woes, and she convinced me it would be good for me. And she was right. I wasn't fast. I like to think of myself as a completer, not a competer. But I did it. And used it to convince myself that I could do other crazy things. Like natural childbirth. 


Anyway, I ran around Cape Cod in chilly Fall weather. I wore gloves. There were coastal snow flurries. Not an early Summer heat wave, and I was sweating anyway. Tough athletes will be falling down tomorrow. And I feel bad for them already.


What a whirlwind of activity these last few weeks have been. This week was no exception. I'm looking forward to getting back to a more normal schedule.


This past week was spent trying to recover from the prior weeks and prep for the yard work event. I went to the gym more than usual, which I think was a good thing. My mood definitely benefits. And that benefits the girls, of course. And I worked at the rehab hospital down the street instead of taking an early train ride into Boston. This benefits BestestHusband. And the girls, of course. 


This weekend was full of work and fun. We had great friends over to help us rearrange the dirt in our backyard. Yes, BestestHusband is motivated to make at least part of our yard flat. And put in a veggie garden. So he had 7 cubic yards of compost and a tiller delivered. To go with the 20 cubic yards of wood chips that the tree company delivered a few weeks back. And he and our friends dug up the yard, pulled out the boulders, mixed the pitiful sandy rocky soil with compost, and smoothed it all back down again. The seeding for grass is supposed to happen next weekend. (This week's weather is not great for grass seed, and we just plain ran out of time.) Our combined 5 girls between the ages of 2 and 5 all ran around together and had a blast. We ate some food, drank some beer, then went home and collapsed. Except for BestestHusband. He went back out to spend some quality time with the tiller. We all cleaned up in time to welcome the babysitter and go out to Christine's birthday party. (Happy Birthday Christine!) It was at a shishi bar in Boston. Lots of people there didn't have kids. There were yummy cocktails. Lots of them. And we had a designated driver. (Thanks Anne!) It was a fun night. Getting up for church this morning was rough. 


Food waste:
I really cleaned out the fridge tonight. And I found a lot of nasty stuff. I few a few random things I need to use this week. Including pork fat. Long story. But yes, I bought pork fat last week. And veal. We ate the veal already. But not the pork fat.
Here's what I threw out tonight:
2 blueberry yogurt smoothies. They were fermenting. 
Half a head of lettuce. I just forgot about it. Sigh.
Leftover salad. The dressing on it kinda did it in. 
Mint. It's been in there a long time. The paper towel helped, but it still went bad.
About half a cup of half and half. I got it for a recipe. I served some to a friend in coffee. But I don't really use half and half. Must try harder next time to find a recipe for it. 
All and all, it's pretty shameful.

I'll spare you the closeups. 

The fridge is starting out the week clean and full of leftovers (all of the second shelf from the top).

Patience:  See mention of extra gym time. It helped a lot. Really a lot. I was actually fun on occasion. 

M&Ms:  One week of the month, even Plain M&Ms are tempting. This was that week. Tonight was all about chocolate chips, because I'm running low on M&Ms, and MeToo's started pooping on the potty more, which requires more M&Ms. 

Money:  I'm finally returning the bathing suits that didn't make the cut. I'll post a picture of the final winner at some point. I've never spent much time and effort on a bathing suit before. But I don't think I've ever spent as much time in one as I think I will this summer. The refunds will be coming back in. So this makes it feel a little better to have spent so much money ordering the bathing suits. 

So I'm looking forward to the fun that this week will bring. Anyone up for frozen margaritas on the patio?

Once Every Four Years?

Happy Leap Day everyone! It's February 29th, an event that only occurs every 4 years. I hope that's not a commentary on the rest of my day...


Today, for once, I feel like I'm doing things right. Usually, I question or regret at least one thing I do in a day. Most days, I have a running list of questionables. Should I have let her have that meringue? Did they get enough vegetables today? Am I teaching self-control, or just being too hard on them? Am I enforcing my personal boundaries, or just being cranky? The list can go on and on.


But not today. Somehow, today feels ok. The girls ate breakfast. They helped dress themselves. They played in my room while I got dressed. We went to the gym. I watched 2 (!) episodes of Ace of Cakes while on the elliptical machine. The machine had a little fan that blew cool air on my sweaty brow. MeToo didn't cry when we left the gym! Wait, she did, but it didn't upset me so much. We went to the Lebanese market. I bought a  week's worth of produce, bagels, and fresh pita for $25 (!).  We ate a super-healthy lunch. The girls loved it. It was yummy. Everyone's happy. The dogs are patiently waiting for the girls to wake up from naps to go for a walk in the snow. It's snowing! And it's pretty! And I'm ok with it!


What's going on here? The bickering has been minimal. The fussing and arguing has been minimal. What has been present hasn't bothered me too much. I've had more patience than usual. This is a nice change. I'll take it.


I just hope it isn't connected to Leap Day. Because I don't want to wait another 4 years for a day like today!

Life Lessons Learned at the Gym

Yesterday started with high hopes for a busy day that included me as a Trophy Wife, MeToo as a research participant, naps in the car,and orientation for one of our favorite daycare teachers who will be dog sitting for us. Well, some of those things happened. I went to the gym feeling not great, but told a fellow mom (Hi Jenna!) “If I work out for even 30 minutes,I’ll consider it a success.” Well, I made it just past the 30 minute mark. So I guess I have to call that part of the morning a success. Any time life breaks my stride, I tend to observe things I otherwise wouldn’t have. Yesterday this was good and bad, depending on how you look at it… In the interest of finding joy in every day, I’ll focus on the good and share some life lessons highlighted by my trip to the gym.

1. Set reasonable goals. Acknowledge when you meet those goals.Be open to surprising yourself and surpassing them, but don’t beat yourself up when you can’t. Celebrate your accomplishments.
2. Bend at the knees, not at the waist. Especially if you’re butt-naked in a gym dressing room and there are people (like me) standing immediately behind you. Not only is it better for your back, it’s better for the eyes of people standing behind you.
3. It’s best not to share all of the intimate details of your life with strangers. This applies not only to your girl-parts at the local gym, but probably also applies to reality TV, credit card numbers, and innumerable elements of your identity. Other people will appreciate your sense of privacy,too.
4. Save the close-in parking spots for people who really need them. If you’re a healthy 20-something, the old ladies and the mothers carrying two bucking and screaming toddlers will appreciate not having to walk 2 blocks to their car. I mean, seriously, look around the gym. It’s a bunch of octogenarians and harried-looking stay-at-home-moms. Certainly it’s easier for you to walk to the auxiliary lot than them.

Ok, so those lessons aren’t earth-shaking. But I certainly won’t forget them any time soon. Especially rules #2 and 3. Some things just get seared into your visual cortex and need time to be forgotten.

Have you learned any valuable life lessons at the gym?

My Days as a Trophy Wife

Allright, no one looking at me would confuse me with a true trophy wife. Just LOOK at me! My hair’s pulled back in a pony tail, I’m wearing old yoga pants (J.Crew circa 1999), an old t-shirt from some run I did with a friend in 2002 (thanks Rebecca Salama!), herding children dressed in head-to-toe hand-me-downs (thanks Jen Hartmann!), and driving a “pre-owned” Honda CRV. I’m hardly fit for a season of Real Housewives of Boston.

But a few times a week I FEEL like a trophy wife. I leave my children with the “staff”, go to the gym, watch the Food Network, take an uninterrupted and leisurely shower, and walk out of the gym with a glow and a smile. Hair flowing in the wind… ok, no, that’s just the TV show. My hair’s still drying, and a little frizzy. But I feel like a million bucks. And mildly guilty for being so indulgent…

Living in Boston on one income, we count our pennies. Life is expensive here, even with good jobs. BH got his PhD from a highly geeky and highly regarded local institution. And got a great job right out of grad school with other highly-regarded geeks. You’d think that it would make a difference. But alas, we penny-pinch. So the idea of spending money on a GYM MEMBERSHIP seemed a little extravagant. But the prospect of another dark cold winter drove me to NEED it. I’ll work extra Saturdays. Please, please, please, I just need a little exercise and free babysitting a few days a week!

And so we bit the bullet. And like my friends had insisted all along (yes Jenny, you were right), it really is totally worth it. I’m less cranky with the girls, my ability to push the double stroller up hills has improved, and a few times a week I get to feel like a trophy wife. It still feels a bit extravagant. But every trophy wife deserves a bit of extravagance now and then. Right?