Confessions of a Bad Mama

One of the great things about the Lutheran church is that, while you CAN do private confession of your sins to your pastor or elder, it's not expected. You're free to confess privately to God to receive forgiveness. But why confess privately or semi-privately when you can confess your transgressions to the WHOLE ENTIRE INTERNET FOR ETERNITY?! So here I go...

I'm a Bad Mama. 

1. I publicly shamed my dogs. I was incredibly amused by Dogshaming on Tumblr, and took my own dogshaming photo. I couldn't get it to post to the site, because I'm Tumblr illiterate. So I posted it to Facebook. For those of you who think your dogs are special because they do gross stuff, they're not. Our dogs do gross stuff, too. Unspeakably gross. Well, we'll let them speak of it:

That's just hair-curlingly gross. Ugh. 

2. I let my 2 year old tantrum in the grocery store yesterday. Well, I didn't let her. She just did it anyway. I just needed to pick up 2 items for dinner. She said she really wanted to go with me, and we left her sister at home. And I wasn't going home empty-handed just because she had parked herself under a table near the checkout aisle and was wailing her head off because I didn't get her cookies. I paid for those 2 items. I worked hard to get them through the angry screaming and kicking about not getting the last "car-cart" as I carried her through the aisles. I wasn't leaving without them. The stares of other people in line informed me that I was a Bad Mama for doing so. 

3. I upset the firemen today. We joined the girls' preschool this morning for a field trip to the local fire house. We were allowed to get in the fire engines, and they turned on the lights. We took pictures. I sat my 2 year old on the front bumper of a fire engine so that they could take a class picture. She started crying and screaming. I asked her what the problem was and asked her to use her words. She just screamed more. I eventually took her down to avoid ruining the class picture. She screamed more. I decided that her trip to the fire house was over. I left HeyMama with her classmates and put MeToo in the car. I turned it on to get the AC blowing, and went back to the front of the firehouse to talk to the preschool teachers about what was happening. No sooner did I exit the parking lot and reach the teachers than a fireman came running up and yelled, "There's a car running with a child alone inside!" I explained that it was my child in timeout, and I had just placed her there less than a minute before. And the AC was running to keep her cool. "But that's a violation! Someone could drive away with her in the car!" The parking lot was up against the side of the fire house. I could see if anyone tried to drive my car away. I did not honestly think that it was a reasonable risk. But apparently I was "in violation". Of something. I'm a Bad Mama. So I made HeyMama leave the field trip early, and we cancelled our trip to the sprinkler park. I'm definitely a Bad Mama.

Ok, so I'm not really feeling so bad for any of those things. Those are things that other people tell me I"m doing wrong.

What I really confessed tonight was my lack of sense of humor. My inability to cherish what should have been cherished today. Losing my sense of fun. Losing the desire to demonstrate grace, joy, and thanksgiving throughout my day. Distancing myself from my children because I was annoyed and desperately trying to preserve every shred of patience I had throughout the day. Feeling that they were an imposition to my plans. My actions were actually all correct. I set boundaries. I warned of consequences. I enforced the consequences. I provided second chances. I worked to change the day for the better. We had fun. We went to the Square to run an errand and went out for ice cream later in the day. But my attitude wasn't right. And that's what really made me a Bad Mama today. 

I gave thanks for the Patience Angel that sat on my shoulder today. I didn't lose my cool, not even once. But I prayed desperately for a new day tomorrow and the days after - days where I find joy in my children, even in their more challenging moments. I prayed that I could see my children as God sees them:  gifts. Gifts that need care, love, and discipline. Gifts that deserve patience, grace, and joy. 

I know I'm not alone in my struggle. But today I FELT the struggle more than I usually do. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. Is feeling it a sign that I'm more aware of how my children need me - an improvement on my baseline? Or is feeling it a sign that I was doing a worse job than usual? 

Stewardship Sunday. It's Sunday again?

It's Sunday again. Didn't we just have one of those the other day?

I'm still coffee-free. I don't really miss it anymore. I do miss the caffeine highs. But not the crashes. I feel more even-keeled. That's a good thing when you have 2 and 3 year olds in the house. 

I'm tired. Not drinking coffee has gotten me to bed earlier. But is has made me less productive. I guess this is the trade-off of being healthier?

So let's get down to business and report on the week. My bed is calling my name.

Food waste:  We threw out some overly-old fish. It was too bad even for BestestHusband. Rarely does he turn down some too-old leftovers. But this week he did. We were better than last week in the food waste department. I used up over half of my green onions today in a scallion pancake recipe. I'm optimistic about the rest. But we went fruit-picking yesterday, and brought home 5 lbs of blueberries, 1 quart of raspberries, and a peck of peaches.They are all amazing. But ripe, so I need to eat or preserve them NOW. I've had worse problems to deal with...

Money: I did hit another end-of-season sale for work clothes online. I think $55 for a work dress and linen summer blouse is a pretty good deal. The box hasn't arrived yet, but hey, if they don't fit, the store is next to the grocery store for easy returns.

Patience:  The Patience Angel came to our house this week. I'm praying she moved in. I really do feel calmer and more patient, and didn't find myself yelling this week. This is an amazing thing. Answer to my prayers? Result of no coffee? Maybe a bit of both? I'm just praising the Lord that this change has come about and hoping it's a permanent one.

Time:  We had a fun week with some fun adventures. We did errand running at the beginning of the week, but Friday, the girls and I hit the town. We took the bus and train into the city, and were on the move for 8 hours. We did an errand at the new Charlie Card store. It was pretty painful. But then we ate an alfresco lunch, listening to a pianist near the fountain at Park Street. We walked to the Frog Pond and went swimming/wading. We cleaned up and went to Cambridge to visit BestestHusband at work. We picked up baked treats along the way. We hung out at BH's office for a bit, then went to meet the girls' best friend, Bea, at the library. Well, the library closed before we got there. But we hung out a bit outside, then went to the farmer's market there. I totally miscalculated time, but the girls didn't care. We got home too late and the girls loved every minute of it. Saturday, we took the girls fruit-picking. Tougas Farm was fantastic for little kids. They had goats to pet, a huge playground, and lots of berries and peaches to pick. They also had apples, but we decided to wait until my parents get here to do that. The housework is not done. I have a ton of stuff to do to start up my practice. There is just so much I need to do. But it's summer still. We need to drink it in while we can. While my planning wasn't perfect, I don't think we misused our time at all.

M&Ms: I finished off those frozen chocolate banana slices all by myself. Sorry BH... But no M&Ms. Now, the peach frozen yogurt I made earlier this evening, that's a different story. Homemade yogurt, hand-picked super ripe peaches, homemade frogurt from the two of them. How can you resist?

So I'm thankful again to be blessed with yet another wonderful week. I look at pictures on Facebook of friends around the world doing exciting and exotic things. And wouldn't trade it for a moment of what we've got now.

Hope your next week is a great one! 

Frazzled

I've felt extremely frazzled today. The Pama wasn't enough. 


The day was good. We went to the gym early, we led music time at preschool. We went home for an afternoon that didn't involve running around, per HeyMama's request. We did fun stuff out on the back patio. We opened the sandbox. We filled the water table. I harvested our first batch of lavender. It was a good day. It was full of cranky preschooler behavior. But most days are. Why am I so frazzled?


Well, the ajillion +1 phone calls about replacing a hot water heater might have contributed to it a bit... But I don't think that's the real cause.


I think it's because I'm an introvert.


Now some of you might argue with that statement. I seem perfectly sociable and outgoing. And you'd be right in that I DO enjoy some doses of social behavior, and I'm not afraid to talk to total strangers. That just means I'm not shy, and I'm the crazy talk-to-people-in-the-grocery-line type. But I've always heard that the test of introvert/extrovert has more to do with what ENERGIZES you - socialization or alone time.


And I need alone time. Quiet alone time other than the hours that I'm sleeping. (I don't typically sleep alone. And my sleeping partner is not consistently quiet...). My girls do not believe in quiet time. Nor do they believe in giving me alone time. Oh, sure, I can baby gate them into their room and put in ear plugs. But I save that for emergencies. Our house is about nonstop talking and nonstop needing. That's just where we are right now.


I'm always working to teach the girls more independence. And it is working. But that still takes time, talking, and togetherness. And these have devoured the remnants of my neurological system by the end of the day.


I feel better about my limitations since thinking of it this way. How can some moms seem to thrive amidst the chaos while I continue to struggle? Maybe it's because they're on Xanax. Or maybe it's because they're wired that way. I'm just not. And there's nothing I can do about it. Oh, I can pretend to be a social butterfly, but I'll still need to re-charge like a hermit. God made me this way, and I don't believe He makes mistakes...


So now I'll have to work on using this self-realization to find more balance. Because no one has fun when I'm frazzled.

Good Gamish and Insanely Great Gummies

Today was a day of many small successes. I'm going to celebrate the small wins. Because parenting small children doesn't feel like you're "winning" all the time.


The day started out with a dog and a skunk. BestestHusband took the dogs for a long walk, and came back with a very smelly Mandy. He thinks that she didn't really CHASE the skunk this time, just accidentally stumbled into it. Regardless, we had a skunked dog. Thankfully the weather was milder than the last time, so we were able to open all of the windows in the house for the whole day to ventilate. And I discovered a great home remedy to skunk smell. No, it's not tomato juice...
1. Saturate the dog's fur in straight-up white vinegar. 
It neutralizes the odor. Quite well, actually...
2. Shampoo the dog with blue Dawn dish detergent. 
It's what they use to de-grease wildlife in oil spill zones. And you know what? It degreased the oil from the skunk spray and Mandy no longer stinks! I was able to hold her in my lap after dinner without the urge to gag.
WE WIN! It's yet another use for both vinegar and blue Dawn, and I should start stocking up...


The day also started out with 2 sore throats. So we skipped the gym. But a bit of pain reliever and we're good as new. We kept the day easy to promote actually getting better. But we're doing ok, and will go to work and preschool tomorrow. 
WE WIN!


I experimented with making a new, extra-creamy, high-fat yogurt. I started with whole milk and added a pint of heavy cream. I wanted to try it out for our favorite neighborhood twins, who are slowly expanding their diet of solid foods and eat a lot of yogurt. Also, I thought it would make yummy fro-yo, too. I tried a new water bath method. And I think it worked! So I now have 5.5 quarts of extra decadent yogurt in my fridge. 
I WIN! (Jackie, your tester quart is among that 5.5, so I can give you some tomorrow and you can win, too!)


I used 7 different containers of leftover ingredients while making dinner tonight. BestestHusband asked, "Is this a recipe, or a gamish?" (his term for a concoction of mine that's created to use up ingredients). "A gamish."
"It's pretty good. 4 forks!"
I cleaned out the fridge, prevented food waste, and got 4 forks! 
I WIN!


BestestHusband brought out his souvenirs from his recent trip to Germany - 4 flavors of insanely great gummy bears:  prosecco, strawberry-rhubarb, grapefruit, and exotic fruits. Holy cow, they were insanely great. They deserve a blog post of their own. And they don't even have to be indecent to get my attention. The Germans really know their gummies!
WE WIN!


Oh! And as a bonus, we got the girls to bed EARLY today! And they didn't even get upset about it!
WE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ok, so maybe I have a boring life that these events are worth mentioning. But hey, sometimes you've got to look for joy in life.


Did you win today?

Stewardship Sunday

Wow, it's been a while since I posted. But certain things are still the same. There is clean laundry on my spare bed, waiting to be folded. There are tumbleweeds of dog fur roaming the house, even though I recently swept. And I have a ToDo list longer than any week can reasonably manage. We like to be predictable and reliable around here. 


Here's some of the fun NEW things for this week...

• We got a Sodastream. It's fun.
• We had fun at two big of play dates. It rained a lot this week, so the play dates were a Godsend...
• The girls came to my Physical Therapy appointment with me. They actually were angels.
• HeyMama has starting sleeping without a pull-up. And last night I didn't have to change the sheets!
• MeToo transitioned from "barnacle" to "fish" at swimming lessons. The bruises on my neck from her death grip are finally fading...
• HeyMama tried paddling without the kick board, pool noodle, or barbell floaties. She still has the flotation belt on, but doggie-paddled across the pool like a champ!
• We're selling our double stroller tomorrow and getting a single with a standing board. I stripped the stroller to the frame and washed the fabric. That was an interesting experience.
• In one day, I took the girls to swim lessons, helped host a church meeting/cookout at our house, and went to work in the afternoon. Then deployed praying mantis egg sacks into our garden after dinner. Swimming, God, making money, and eco-friendly pest management, all in one Saturday. We're not usually so ambitious or productive. 
• I jumped around and made myself hoarse in front of a bunch of kids singing some of my favorite childhood Sunday School songs. 
• I held a few newborn babies. I concluded that I do like them still. But am still content to hand them back to their mothers. 
• I wore one of my great consignment store dresses from the previous week's conquests, and again appreciated NOT wearing maternity or nursing clothes or holding my own newborn. 

Did I mention that I'm excited about downsizing our double stroller for a single? In my mind, this opens up the possibility of taking public transportation this summer. Look out world! No parking worries + 2 girls who like to skip naps = lots of fun summer adventures!!!

My naked double stroller.

Ok, it's crazy late, and the red wine I had with dinner isn't helping me be more alert...


Food waste:  I was a green leafy executioner again this week. I killed half a head of lettuce and half a bunch of mint. I think I also killed a bit of cucumber. OH!!! I almost forgot to mention my YOGURT FAILURE! I tried making a gallon of yogurt. I instead got a gallon of warm milk. I tried using a different culture, and I don't think the milk was warm enough to start culturing. If it weren't for the red wine still in my system, I'd be much crankier about the milk and effort wasted. I'm still deluding myself that I can do something with the yogurt-scented milk... I sent out the question to my local mommy network, and have hope that someone will come back with good ideas...


M&Ms:  not too bad this week. But ice cream was my drug of choice.


Money:  I bought a Sodastream. New in the box from a local mom, so half price. But it wasn't a necessity...


Patience: We did a lot of playing this week. A lot of it was inside, but it was with friends. Friends help with patience. A LOT!!!


Exercise:  I went to the gym only twice this week. My goal is to prioritize this more in the upcoming week.


Ok, time for bed. Hope you had a great week!

Stewardship Sunday: Vocal Rest Edition

Happy Sunday!
It was nice to have a weekend at home, not working. It feels like it's been a while...
It was a rainy dreary weekend, and it helped me feel better about not getting out and DOING stuff. Of course, we did actually get out and DO a lot of stuff. But I didn't feel the constant urge to take advantage of the sunshine and comfortable temps we've had lately. I love the calm quiet feeling in the air on drizzly days. And a few times this weekend, I was actually able to pause and enjoy it!

So this week involved working a holiday, having a workday afternoon off, two mornings in the swimming pool with the girls, a massage, a PT appointment (the massage was NOT just for relaxation!), playmates, errands, a trip to the library, preparations for Vacation Bible School, and research on which voracious insects would be best for our garden pests. We came home from Allandale Farms today with a container of Praying Mantis egg sacks. All of the literature on them says they make great pets. I'm content to just let them run wild in our yard. I have no need to domesticate insects in this household...

Anyway, back to the "Vocal Rest Edition" part of the title. I helped lead the music for Vacation Bible School this morning. Across 4 groups of kids, my voice was going strong for 2+ hours. I am not a singer. I do not have a professionally trained voice. I just have a lifetime repertoire of Sunday School songs and the guts to belt out songs in front of saucer-eyed kids all morning long. In other words, I don't know how to use my voice well in endurance situations. But as an SLP, I do know that this is an abnormally significant workout of my vocal cords, one that could lead to phonotrauma if not managed appropriately. So I'm trying to drink a lot. Let me rephrase that. I'm trying to drink a lot of water and herbal tea. The other kind of drinking would be more fun, but would not improve the health of my larynx. Now, if I were my own SLP, I would prescribe myself a bit of vocal rest. My advice would be to try not to talk so much, keep my volume down, and nod and gesture whenever possible. My advice would be ludicrous considering that I have 2 preschoolers...

Anyway, I want to go to bed before midnight, so let's get this stewardship accounting done!

Money:  OUCH. We went to the craft store. I got a massage. And sand toys for the girls. And 2 dresses at the consignment store. (They were a steal! And I need new summer dresses. But still, ouch.)

Exercise:  This week wasn't so great. I think I got in one good workout all week. Sigh.

M&Ms:  Not the worst week for Peanut M&Ms, but less exercise = more self-medicating with chocolate. I finished off a jar of Trader Joe's Cocoa Almond spread. Really dangerous stuff!!! But oh, so good!!!

Patience:  Middle-of the road this week. Again, by the grace of God, I have moments of patience that are beyond what comes from me. I'm thankful that I have awareness in these moments. It makes me feel better to know that God really is there in the mundane moments of life. Especially the ones that I suck at handling on my own...

Time:  Since thinking about it weeks ago, I really think I"m doing better at not frittering away so much time on the computer. That's perhaps helped by the fact that we don't spend so much time at home now that the weather's better.

Food waste:  I threw out half a bunch of basil, and have half a head of lettuce waiting for me in the fridge. I really am bad about letting greens die. I'm like a leafy-green executioner. I'm happy that we have lettuce in the garden that I can pick a little at a time. Because buying it to use for the week just leads to a lot of food waste. Thanks again to BestestHusband for helping to eat some of the more questionable items in the fridge. He is my household savior for food waste.

HeyMama saw these made on a video, and told me what we needed to buy at the craft store.

She did it ALL BY HERSELF! Just from watching it done once. I mean, it's a simple craft, but she's 3! And all I had to do was fetch the googley eyes from the closet and unclog the glue!

Hope you have a great week!

A Few Things I've Learned From Strep

I despise being sick. This is something I've known for a while. (Hint hint God, you don't need to keep reminding me!) But I will acknowledge that there are a few lessons I've learned the last few days, thanks to strep throat. I thought I'd share a few of them with you today.

• iPhones are great tools for taking pictures of your nasty tonsils
• Strep-infested tonsils are gross
• Febrile sweating is a great way to lose a pound or so while you sleep
• Febrile loss of appetite is a great way to lose a pound or so while you don't sleep
• Definitely time any necessary strep throat before swimsuit season
• Household demands don't seem to notice that you're sick
• But they do taunt you while you're lying on the couch. I swear the cobweb on the living room curtain rod was laughing at me yesterday...
• Getting sick lowers my patience to a threshold similar to that of 2 year olds
• You need to have patience greater than a 2 year old to effectively manage a 2 year old
• Attempting to manage a normal life while sick is sometimes necessary
• And it makes you bad@ss

Wash your hands, friends.

Swallowing Rocks Studded With Nails

Today is a "sick day." Well, I'm home from work because I have strep throat. Already fragile patients in Rehab Hospitals don't respond well to being exposed to strep throat. I'm fine with this concept. But the girls are home with me because they also have strep throat. So while we're all sick, I don't think this counts as a "sick day" in the way that I used to know them. Before kids, "sick days" were days that you were too sick to go to work, so you stayed at home, horizontal on your couch or bed. You didn't exert yourself. You caught up on sleep. Maybe someone even made you chicken soup. But apparently moms don't get "sick days". 


I went to bed early, but couldn't manage to fall asleep quickly. And when I finally did, I spent the night sweating like a marathoner, waking fitfully to find myself swallowing rocks studded with nails. Ok, so in reality I was only swallowing my own saliva. But it felt like I was swallowing rocks studded with nails. Or maybe just shards of glass. 


Have I mentioned that I don't like strep throat?


I ridiculously assumed that my girls, also stricken with strep throat, would be willing to take a nap. Consequently, I would be able to take a nap. At least I could have an hour or so of a "sick day." Alas, it was not to be so. They're well enough to not take a nap, but not well enough to handle the elements of daily life without dissolving into whining, arguments, and tears every 10 minutes. Sigh.


So we're eating a lot of yogurt to combat the antibiotics we're taking. I had to make another batch of yogurt today. I suspect it will last us until Friday. Maybe longer if I ever get up the will to serve something different for dinner. 


Oh, and today is a day that MeToo has decided that she wants to wear undies and use the potty. So I'm cleaning pee accidents at inconvenient intervals. The fun just never stops.


Wash your hands, friends. You don't want my "sick day" to happen to you!

I AM Bad@ss

I struggle occasionally with the loss of my former bad@ss self. I used to be athletic. I rowed. I ran a marathon. I used to be able to juggle disparate things with ease. I used to be spontaneous. I drove around the USA for 3 weeks after college graduation. I used to be unafraid of challenges. I used to be able to tolerate sleep deprivation and still be informed and witty. I wore a bikini! 


Then I had kids and that all went away. 


And I've been wondering about my old bad@ss self, wondering if I'd ever find her again.


Tonight, I realized I've been looking for her in all the wrong places.


Tonight, I worked a long day in the city, lurched home on a delayed train, sprinted for a bus, high-tailed it to daycare, got there right before they closed, wrangled a tantrumming 2 year old home, convinced 2 girls to play by themselves while I cooked dinner, cooked a delicious meal of fresh fish and a vegetable strudel (hand-rolled in phyllo dough), served it with a lovely bottle of Riesling, cleaned up the kitchen while BestestHusband put the girls to bed, and now have a date with a hot shower and an early bedtime.


Tonight, I was bad@ss. Not my old version of bad@ss, but formidable all the same. My college-aged self would never understand. But she didn't really know much anyway...


I don't think I can keep up this level of intensity very often, but it's good to know that I still have that bad@ss in me somewhere. I just have to realize what she looks like now. 


Look out world. There's a new strudel-maker in town.
What do you do on your bad@ss days?

Dirty Little Secrets

I was working last week with a lady with metastatic cancer – a nasty glioblastoma that has robbed her of her ability to remember new information. Our therapy was a last gasp attempt to help her regain some independence and quality of life before she was discharged home with 24 hour supervision. And hospice. This will likely be her last summer. She’s not very old. She’s too young to be facing her last summer. Such is the curse of cancer. She is long-divorced, and her only son lives a few states away. She has some delightful and loyal friends who visit and help take care of her.

Our most recent therapy session together included one of these dear friends, “Julesie” as she called her. They go way back, to when they lived in apartments across the hall from one another and had screaming and inconsolable newborns. I always try to find a balance between the value of what I provide in my therapy vs. the value of what visiting friends bring. In cases like this lady, I decided that a visiting friend was much more valuable. She was able to tap into long-term memory, something I don’t have the context to stimulate, and it was much more preserved than her short-term memory was. They laughed about the trials and tribulations of having “screamers” for children. My patient chuckled, “Oh, he was a HORROR!”

“He was a horror.” It’s not a phrase you’re allowed to say about your children these days. I mentioned that. “Oh, it’s something you could only say amongst your friends.” My patient said. Her friend agreed.

Has it always been a dirty little secret? Because if you say it publically now, you’re labeled as a Bad Mother. An Ingrate. Unable to appreciate your “spirited” child. Selfish. Uneducated. How dare you attach such an unkind adjective to your child?!?! But certainly we all think it. At least once. We logically know that a strong personality will serve our child well when they’re adults. But right now, it just feels like they’re being jerks. You can go a long time before you find another parent who will admit it. “Yes, I love my child, but she can really act like a pain in the @ss.” And until then, you feel awful for thinking it.

This is the dirty little secret of parenting. You love your children. But they can be “horrors”. Admitting this doesn’t make you love them less. Admitting this is acknowledging the challenge of your job. You must demonstrate unfailing love and a semblance of patience to a creature who does a great job of acting horribly towards you. Yes, it’s in their innate nature. Yes, it’s “developmentally appropriate”. Yes, they’re born sinful creatures, just like we are. They need to experience forgiveness and grace from us before they can begin to understand the concept and that it’s something that comes from God. But let’s be honest. Only God is an unending well of forgiveness and grace. The rest of us struggle to provide it on a daily basis. I personally struggle on a minute-by-minute basis.

I think this should be another tenet of the Sorority of Moms. Don’t judge a negative statement of another mom about her child. You know you think it from time to time. The mom who says it is just being honest enough with her feelings to utter the words. Good for her. Encourage her. Support her. Help her laugh about it. The true tragedy is when the mom doesn’t realize that children can be jerks and she thinks she’s doing it all wrong. We need to let other moms in on the secret. ASAP. Our kids can be jerks. So can we. Refusing to admit it doesn’t make it not true. Let’s forgive ourselves for thinking it just like we forgive our children for doing it. Let’s expose the dirty little secret.

Trophy Wife Monday

I'm on the phone with our financial guy, upgrading my life insurance. We're getting ready for a picnic and an excursion to the best lilac collection in our country. We've got a fancy event scheduled for this evening. Yes, another fancy event requiring a babysitter. Yes, on a weeknight. We're living large today. I feel like a Trophy Wife again. 


This fancy event is an alumni event for BestestHusband's undergrad alma mater (Yes, the one I got wait-listed at because I was from the Houston area and they valued Minnesotans more than they valued Texans. Not that I'm still bitter about that or anything... And I'll just ignore the part about BestestHusband maybe being smarter than me and maybe deserving to get in more...) It's being held at the home of one of the sons of a local sports team owner. I've heard the home is very nice. There's appetizers and drinks and valet parking. And some kind of fancy other stuff. I'm not really sure, but I don't really care. I get to dress up and go to someone's fancy home and talk to other grownups without having my sentences interrupted every 30 seconds. That's all I need to know. I'm in. 


We're all still fighting a sore throat. So I'm trying to keep the overall demands of the day lower than usual. We watched the new Muppets movie twice this morning. Ok, so we only watched the end of it - the Muppets Show re-creation part. But it was a lot of screen time for my media-deprived girls. A special treat. I'll spread the Trophy Wife wealth today.

Stewardship Sunday on a Tuesday. It's a first.

This week was a mix of enjoying and prepping. We tried to enjoy the glorious weather as much as possible. We took care of little details that have been niggling - shoes that needed repairing, and clothes that needed altering to be wearable again. I discovered that I'm no fun. But that's a post for another day.

I still find myself ruminating a fair amount on the balance of have-to's vs. want-to's. With all of the toddler drama that a two year old can bring, I still second guess a lot of my decisions. Am I providing enough structure and consistency? Too much? Being consistent? Too rigid? Even if I'm doing things right, can there still be this much conflict?

I've been experimenting with changing our schedule around to suit our natural rhythms in our days. I've been trying to be more flexible with our plans and try to take advantage of any great weather, surprise visits, or opportunities that might come along. And I'm looking for opportunities to just make them run. Cesar Milan swears by this approach when dealing with canine behavior. It seems to work pretty well with toddlers, too. The days have been pretty good. Just not very productive. Throw in working a Saturday, and napping away a rainy Sunday, and my floors are disgusting.

Sigh.

So I'm quite behind in my blogging in general. I'm just tired, and I'm spending less time at home in front of a computer. So this blog post is 2 days late, and I'll just try to report on last week before it becomes halfway through this week.

Food Waste:  the pork fat got thrown out. Shockingly enough, I didn't get around to making sausage this past week. Go figure. We also tossed some sketchy greens. But other than that, we've been good this week.

Patience:  I got a lot of exercise this week, and tried to take advantage of the gym's evening babysitting hours to combat those dangerous "arsenic hours" before BestestHusband gets home and we eat dinner. Both of these help the patience a lot. 

Money:  I gulped hard when I looked at how much it would cost to alter 4 garments. But 3 of them I wasn't wearing at all, and 1 just made me look preggo every time I wear it (I'm NOT pregnant, by the way). But the cost of repairing 3 pairs of shoes was so low that I'm letting myself combine the two amounts. The grand total is not bad to get 3 new pairs of shoes I couldn't wear and 3 new skirts I wasn't wearing. And one shirt that will look much better when I wear it now. I do own a sewing machine. And I do know how to use it. But I've been wanting to alter those skirts since HeyMama was born, and it just hasn't happened. 

Time:  I'm really taking a hard look at how I spend my time, especially how to best use it for fun and happy days. I can't help but think that there's got to be a better way...

Hope your week is off to a good start!

Stewardship Sunday, Marathon Edition

Tomorrow is Patriots Day. In Boston, that means its Marathon Monday. The weather is supposed to be so warm that they're offering runners the chance to defer until next year. They're training the runners and bystanders to do CPR on each other. One official described it as a potential "mass casualty event". They're encouraging the charity runners (who didn't need to complete stringent qualifying times in other races) to not do it. What a tough choice to make. Glad I'm not the one making the decision.


I actually did run a marathon once, years ago. Melissa talked me in to it (Happy Birthday Melissa!) I was moping about relationship woes, and she convinced me it would be good for me. And she was right. I wasn't fast. I like to think of myself as a completer, not a competer. But I did it. And used it to convince myself that I could do other crazy things. Like natural childbirth. 


Anyway, I ran around Cape Cod in chilly Fall weather. I wore gloves. There were coastal snow flurries. Not an early Summer heat wave, and I was sweating anyway. Tough athletes will be falling down tomorrow. And I feel bad for them already.


What a whirlwind of activity these last few weeks have been. This week was no exception. I'm looking forward to getting back to a more normal schedule.


This past week was spent trying to recover from the prior weeks and prep for the yard work event. I went to the gym more than usual, which I think was a good thing. My mood definitely benefits. And that benefits the girls, of course. And I worked at the rehab hospital down the street instead of taking an early train ride into Boston. This benefits BestestHusband. And the girls, of course. 


This weekend was full of work and fun. We had great friends over to help us rearrange the dirt in our backyard. Yes, BestestHusband is motivated to make at least part of our yard flat. And put in a veggie garden. So he had 7 cubic yards of compost and a tiller delivered. To go with the 20 cubic yards of wood chips that the tree company delivered a few weeks back. And he and our friends dug up the yard, pulled out the boulders, mixed the pitiful sandy rocky soil with compost, and smoothed it all back down again. The seeding for grass is supposed to happen next weekend. (This week's weather is not great for grass seed, and we just plain ran out of time.) Our combined 5 girls between the ages of 2 and 5 all ran around together and had a blast. We ate some food, drank some beer, then went home and collapsed. Except for BestestHusband. He went back out to spend some quality time with the tiller. We all cleaned up in time to welcome the babysitter and go out to Christine's birthday party. (Happy Birthday Christine!) It was at a shishi bar in Boston. Lots of people there didn't have kids. There were yummy cocktails. Lots of them. And we had a designated driver. (Thanks Anne!) It was a fun night. Getting up for church this morning was rough. 


Food waste:
I really cleaned out the fridge tonight. And I found a lot of nasty stuff. I few a few random things I need to use this week. Including pork fat. Long story. But yes, I bought pork fat last week. And veal. We ate the veal already. But not the pork fat.
Here's what I threw out tonight:
2 blueberry yogurt smoothies. They were fermenting. 
Half a head of lettuce. I just forgot about it. Sigh.
Leftover salad. The dressing on it kinda did it in. 
Mint. It's been in there a long time. The paper towel helped, but it still went bad.
About half a cup of half and half. I got it for a recipe. I served some to a friend in coffee. But I don't really use half and half. Must try harder next time to find a recipe for it. 
All and all, it's pretty shameful.

I'll spare you the closeups. 

The fridge is starting out the week clean and full of leftovers (all of the second shelf from the top).

Patience:  See mention of extra gym time. It helped a lot. Really a lot. I was actually fun on occasion. 

M&Ms:  One week of the month, even Plain M&Ms are tempting. This was that week. Tonight was all about chocolate chips, because I'm running low on M&Ms, and MeToo's started pooping on the potty more, which requires more M&Ms. 

Money:  I'm finally returning the bathing suits that didn't make the cut. I'll post a picture of the final winner at some point. I've never spent much time and effort on a bathing suit before. But I don't think I've ever spent as much time in one as I think I will this summer. The refunds will be coming back in. So this makes it feel a little better to have spent so much money ordering the bathing suits. 

So I'm looking forward to the fun that this week will bring. Anyone up for frozen margaritas on the patio?

"I Don't Know How You Girls Do It"

One of the joys of my job is that I have the privilege of working with people with 8+ decades of life experience under their belts. I make a point to tap into that experience whenever I get the chance. Functionally I'm assessing their speech, their thought organization, their pragmatics. But really, I'm looking for advice. Nuggets of wisdom. Recipes.


Most of my female patients are mothers. I ask about their kids. The number is usually in the 4-10 range. So I ask for advice. "How did you do it? I have 2, and they keep me plenty busy. What's the secret?" They usually just chuckle and shrug. "I don't know, I just did it!"


But some of them turn the tables. I was actually surprised the first time I heard it: "I don't know how you girls do it these days - kids, jobs, the busy schedules you all keep." They say things like, "Oh it was easier back then. Everyone had kids. We sent them all outside and they entertained themselves." They talk about having their moms and sisters nearby to help. They didn't take the kids to the grocery store to have meltdowns in the frozen food aisle. They didn't drag them to play groups and story times. Their three year olds didn't play on soccer teams. They didn't work when their kids were young, so pumping breast milk 3 times during a work day wasn't a concern. And they certainly didn't worry about whether they were making the best choice in the career/family balance.


I have no doubt that momnesia has kicked in during the 50+ years since they had small children at home. I'm sure they had plenty of struggles of their own. We won't even get into the gender issues and educational and career opportunities available to these women when they were our age. But their words are kind. And maybe even true. And it's the kind of encouragement I need from time to time.

Your Children Are Certifiable

Your children are certifiable. My children are certifiable. Children are just crazy. Watch them for a while and see for yourself.


Here's a small example of what my insane 2 yr old has done lately:
Sit on the potty for 10 minutes singing, not go potty, then immediately take a shower and poop on the floor
Ask for something, then scream when I gave it to her.
Say no when I offer her something, then scream because I didn't give it to her.
Ask for a pink cup. Then when I give her one, scream that she wants a purple one.


Here's a small example of what my insane 3 yr old has done lately:
Talk nonstop about imaginary events for 30 minutes straight. 
Concoct an imaginary birthday party that will happen 6 months in the future, then get upset when I tell her the party isn't really happening this week, and please don't invite over any more of her preschool friends quite yet. 


Now, I'm no psychologist. I'm no licensed mental health provider. But if a grownup did these things on a regular basis, they would earn them self a DSM Axis II diagnosis and a trip to McLean Hospital. The terms "personality disorder", "logorrhea", and "delusional" come to mind. If you had to interact with them and care for them every day, you'd be working in the locked unit of a mental health facility.


But they're our children. Their behaviors are "developmentally appropriate". We're supposed to help them learn to be not crazy. And I've heard it takes years.


This is just one of the things that makes parenting hard. The world says your child is "normal", but you can't help but feel like they're insane.


And you read funny articles or blog posts that try to make light of the phenomenon of parenting and are just SO TRUE!. And then you get commenters who snippily say things like, "Well, I know that they're only young once, so I CHERISH EVERYTHING they do." This just isn't helpful to the psyche of parents. Lady, I'd love for you to come over and cherish the poop stains on my rug any time.


Of COURSE our children are blessings from God. Of course they're only doing what's in their true nature. But paranoid schizophrenics are only doing what's in their true natures, as well, and God loves them too. Staff clinicians on psych wards are allowed to say that their jobs are sometimes hard. Are we not?


I wonder if this is more difficult to manage in a demographic group where we're all encouraged to go to college. So we can get jobs where we don't get stuck working for demanding narcissists who don't pay us much. And we pay lots of money and work hard to get great jobs. And we do! We know stuff. People seek out our opinions and knowledge. We don't have people following us around all the time or standing over us. We're independent! We accomplish things!


And then we have kids and start working for tiny demanding narcissists who don't pay us much. Or anything, actually...


I adore my girls. They are special treats, and I love watching their personalities blossom. 


But they're certifiable.  

The Joys of Quality Time

My in-laws are still in town, so I took advantage of their presence to spend some quality time with HeyMama. I had a meeting at Ruth House and didn't really want to inflict my defiant and loudly opinionated two year old on anyone unnecessarily, so MeToo stayed home with Grandma and Grandpa. Not that she was thrilled with the idea. Actually, ear-splitting wails ensued. But my attempt to let her "help" me prepare Easter stuff at church was a spectacular failure. I actually turned around and took her home before returning to the church on Saturday. And I wanted to spare myself the gas and time today.


So HeyMama went with me. She entertained herself appropriately during the overly-long meeting. Then we went to Ikea for lunch. I somehow managed to not buy more Samla. But I did buy a few picture frames. We did a few more errands, then she fell asleep on the ride home. So here I am blogging in my driveway while HeyMama sleeps in the back seat, thinking about how I view my children as individuals, and as a unit.


As a unit, they are an extremely chatty and demanding entity. While they are occasionally delightful to observe playing together, they are also occasionally enragingly quarrelsome. I'm glad I had them 14 months apart, but they are exhausting. 


Individually, without the conflict and whining, they are a lot more fun. When they're not busy arguing, their personality traits come shining through.  HeyMama is such a planner. She doesn't forget a thing. She remembers that the dogs' birthday is in April. And it's April now. So she was planning a birthday party for them: what kind of cupcakes we'd have, what we'd eat, who we'd invite, etc. We need balloons. Definitely balloons. She'll wear her pink tutu and a party hat. She'll make them cards. It's all planned out. HeyMama's got it covered.


Her sister is quite different. I swear that MeToo has her own personal soundtrack in her head. She is always singing. You don't need a radio in the car when MeToo's in the back seat. And now that her speech intelligibility has significantly improved, you can actually recognize the songs and sing along. She's not quite on the same generative level as HeyMama, who can make up songs on the fly. But she's getting there. And it's a hoot!


I'm coming to the realization that I enjoy my girls more and can engage with them more as individuals when I'm actually just working with them as individuals. Hmmm, it's taken me 28 months to realize this? But I feel lately as if I'm doing more disciplining and redirecting than having fun with them. Ok, so MeToo is just doing her job of presenting a larger-than-life caricature of the "Terrible Twos". But I'd like to spend more time with her as "my life-of-the-party daughter" than "my spirited and punky two year old". I know that this is a phase, but I'd like to find ways to enjoy it a bit more. 


So anyone want to take a 3 or 2 year old for a few hours once a week? I promise you'll have a good time. And I will too. 

We girls went out for lunch and drinks. 

Poop in the Shower

I cleaned poop from the shower tonight. A lot of it. I'd been wondering when MeToo was going to poo, it seemed like it had been a while...

So after cleaning the mess, bathing the girls, and getting them to bed, I called my day over. I'm on the couch, drinking a beer. Because I cleaned poop in the shower. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Trying Not To Drool

I'm having a bit of a trophy wife day. 


I got my hair cut. The complementary scalp and hand massages were divine. The hair cut was great. I feel like a million bucks.


Then I went straight to my massage appointment. It was divine. I was so relaxed I had to struggle to not drool. She didn't quite fix my back. But she loosened up my shoulder enough that I can stretch it out without crying. Sounds like I need another session soon. When I left, I felt like a million bucks.


Later, we went to the gym. I've never gone in the evening, but they had babysitting tonight and I felt the need for some cardio. So I spent an hour with some good cable and got my heart rate going. Then stretched. I felt like a million bucks.


Jealous? Don't be. There were plenty of tantrums, time outs, squabbles, painting of inappropriate furniture, and general shenanigans to undo it all. But it was nice while it lasted. And besides, living in a city like Boston, we're not likely to save up a million bucks, I'll just have to occasionally FEEL like it.


Thanks again to Grandpa for holding down the fort so I could get it all done. And for vacuuming my car. Ok, now I'm sure you're jealous now...

Seriously?

Today was a great day. I worked at the rehab down the street, so I had time to run a few errands before picking up the girls. I dropped off BestestHusband's suit to be dry cleaned before Easter. I went to the liquor store and bought yummy wines for the Easter Feast (also called "The foretaste of the Feast to come"), and picked up a case of Sam's Spring seasonal brews. Sam is great. I love Sam. Then I went to the grocery store and bought milk. ON SALE! And got tortillas for the turkey tacos that wonderful neighbor Jackie made for us for dinner. And got Easter treats for a certain BIL/Uncle that's been deployed to a place where chocolate bunnies dare not go. (Thank God for jelly beans! I don't have to worry about them melting!) I was super-productive! I was on top of the world!


Then I went to pick up the girls. It took us 30 minutes to leave daycare, but the girls were outside on the playground, and I was chatting with other moms. But as soon as we got home, the insanity began.


Within 5 minutes of me being in the house, we had 1 girl injured, 1 girl in timeout, ink stamps all over the girls' play/craft table, 1 poopy butt wiped, 1 urgent diaper change, 6 nose-blows, and 3 refereed conflicts. And supervised apologies and table-cleaning. And that was just after I got the groceries into the house. The backpacks are still sitting on the counter, hours later. The lunch boxes still have dirty containers in them, hours later. We were in full-blown crisis mode for nearly the entire time we were home. I mixed up a batch of strong margaritas and herded the family to Jackie's for dinner as soon as I could. 


Seriously? We can't be home for 20 minutes without constant crisis? It's no wonder that I don't feel like I get anything accomplished!!!


I keep telling myself that this constant "crisis" management is preparing me for greater things in the future. Maybe I'm meant to have a thriving private practice with a large staff? Raising children will certainly prepare me for managing the constant stream of conflicts that can arise. It's amazing what kids can use as a source of conflict. I'm not sure what other purpose this can serve. I do believe that God gives us challenges for a reason. Maybe my sense of humor needs honing? Maybe I just need to "exercise my patience" (as the girls and I chant while doing mock calisthenics and waiting for something). I have to believe that all of the absurdity is for a greater purpose. Because, seriously? I mean, really? You've got to be kidding!


Thank you Jackie for giving us a destination and a reason to not be crazy. And thank you for a yummy dinner. Sorry to not leave you the rest of the margaritas. I needed the water bottle for the gym tomorrow, and I figure that with nursing the twins and all, you wouldn't drink them. I'm finishing them as I type. Thank God for spell-check. I think I decided that I shouldn't blog after margaritas... Whatever. Because these kids... seriously!

Thank God for Grandpas!

We got hailed on today. Just briefly. But it was enough to make the girls want to leave the playground. It was tiny hail, really just slush that couldn't figure out what form of precipitation it wanted to be and leaned a bit too far in the "solid" direction. So not painful, but cold and unpleasant. But it was quite handy.


I'm appreciative of anything right now that makes the girls easier to get along with while BestestHusband's in Amsterdam. Last night was not a great night for sleeping. So this morning was not a great morning for waking. So I'm especially thankful for Grandpa. BestestHusband's mother went to join him in Amsterdam. His father came here. I consider it to be a pretty good deal. Already we've had a handful of niggling little projects finished. And the dogs are currently being walked by Grandpa. And Grandpa's just so darn helpful around the house. And the girls love him. So it really is a joy to have him here. 


And while he's here, I've scheduled a haircut. And I'm trying to get a first appointment with a PT for my back and shoulder. And maybe even a massage. Life is good. 


Thank God for Grandpas!