I've felt extremely frazzled today. The Pama wasn't enough.
The day was good. We went to the gym early, we led music time at preschool. We went home for an afternoon that didn't involve running around, per HeyMama's request. We did fun stuff out on the back patio. We opened the sandbox. We filled the water table. I harvested our first batch of lavender. It was a good day. It was full of cranky preschooler behavior. But most days are. Why am I so frazzled?
Well, the ajillion +1 phone calls about replacing a hot water heater might have contributed to it a bit... But I don't think that's the real cause.
I think it's because I'm an introvert.
Now some of you might argue with that statement. I seem perfectly sociable and outgoing. And you'd be right in that I DO enjoy some doses of social behavior, and I'm not afraid to talk to total strangers. That just means I'm not shy, and I'm the crazy talk-to-people-in-the-grocery-line type. But I've always heard that the test of introvert/extrovert has more to do with what ENERGIZES you - socialization or alone time.
And I need alone time. Quiet alone time other than the hours that I'm sleeping. (I don't typically sleep alone. And my sleeping partner is not consistently quiet...). My girls do not believe in quiet time. Nor do they believe in giving me alone time. Oh, sure, I can baby gate them into their room and put in ear plugs. But I save that for emergencies. Our house is about nonstop talking and nonstop needing. That's just where we are right now.
I'm always working to teach the girls more independence. And it is working. But that still takes time, talking, and togetherness. And these have devoured the remnants of my neurological system by the end of the day.
I feel better about my limitations since thinking of it this way. How can some moms seem to thrive amidst the chaos while I continue to struggle? Maybe it's because they're on Xanax. Or maybe it's because they're wired that way. I'm just not. And there's nothing I can do about it. Oh, I can pretend to be a social butterfly, but I'll still need to re-charge like a hermit. God made me this way, and I don't believe He makes mistakes...
So now I'll have to work on using this self-realization to find more balance. Because no one has fun when I'm frazzled.