Once upon a time, I thought that giving candy to your children was evil. Resorting to lollipops to get stuff done meant that I was a failure as a mother. Children did not need that sugar, and certainly I could have a better management system than bribery.
Please forgive me. I was so naive, and so so wrong.
I've since discovered that candy and treats can be an important part of a healthy balanced discipline system. Dum Dum Pops are my favorite go-to bribery treat. While the bakery cookies at the grocery store are handy while shopping, Dum Dums are shelf stable and easy to carry in a purse or diaper bag. They are small in dosage, have a nice handle for making fingers less-sticky, and come in a variety of flavors to keep the interest over time. In other words, they are a godsend.
They were also part of my plan for handling our trip to the doctor's office today. HeyMama was scheduled for her 4 year well-child visit, and we knew some vaccinations would go along with it. So I packed 3, just to be excessive. Or so I thought...
Well, they offered the flu vaccine, which I said yes to. Then they offered it for MeToo as a tag-along consolation prize. I said yes to that, as well. Then they mentioned that they needed blood drawn from HeyMama to check for anemia. Ok. I have 3 Dum Dums, and 3 courses of needles. I'm still golden. Or so I thought...
So the shots went as well as was expected. The nurses showered the girls in stickers, and I whipped out the Dum Dums to distract from the pain. It all worked. Until MeToo saw HeyMama with a second lollipop, and wanted one of her own. Crap. I did count the rounds of needles, but I did not account for the "meee toooooo!" factor. I failed as a mother.
So I led a wailing 2 year old around the health center while we did a potty trip. It was pitiful to hear. "I wanna wawipop! I waaaanna waaaaawipop! I waaaaaannaaaaa waaaaawiiiiiiipooooooop!" The sound echoed down all of the halls.
We ran into the nurse practitioner who had monitored both girls en utero. After exclaiming how long it had been since she saw the girls, she asked about the wailing. I told the story. She ducked into an office, and came out with a candy jar. The candy jar had a Tootsie Roll Pop. The wailing stopped immediately. "It's a big one!" MeToo chirped brightly.Yes, it was much larger than HeyMama's Dum Dum. And the crisis was over.
So once again, I have learned about the importance of carrying an excessive amount of lollipops. I hope I don't forget that again. At least not before MeToo has her 3 year checkup next month...
I currently work per diem for a rehab hospital that primarily treats adults, but does have one pediatric floor. So once in a blue moon, I get floated down to work with pedi patients.
The staffing coordinator/scheduler commented one day that pedi specifically requested a therapist that "knows how to play". She responded, "Joy knows how to play, she's got 2 kids!". When I worked on the floor that day, I realized that I felt a bit out of my element. My job was to play? And not multitask keeping the child entertained and happy while I managed other elements of the household?" I found it challenging.
There's a push from some parenting "experts"to play through everything. Playful Parenting encourages parents to approach all behavior and discipline issues through play. Play through all of your daily routines. Play through any conflict that comes along. You don't need discipline when you have play.
I have a really hard time with this. Play is important for children. Play is how they learn many things. But play is not everything. Play is most effective when it's not structured by adults. And discipline is different from play. It is necessary to help kids learn limits. I will not joke with my girls when they disobey me.
Am I really a bad mom because I don't play all the time? Certainly there's plenty I can offer without being their constant playmates. For Pete's sake, I had them so close together so they'd always have a friend to turn to. I do things they can't do for each other. I teach. I comfort. I help. I hug, tickle, hold, rock, boost, and carry. I cook, clean, clothe, and provide the elements they need in their days for action and inaction. And yes, sometimes, I do play.
At the end of the day, I don't want to be their best playmate. I want to be the foundation they build on, the walls that keep them safe, and the pillow they can fall back on. Sometimes that requires not being their best friend, and sometimes that takes too much work to have a lot of free time (and energy) to play.
So I will continue with my current approach to parenting. I will not play or trick my kids into cooperation. As my girls can recite, "I use my words to teach you and keep you safe." That is my job. I pay their preschool teachers to play with them all day. They do a better job of it, anyway.
So I earned myself the Worst Mother of the Year Award this weekend by allowing HeyMama to get a sunburn on her shoulders. Saturday morning we went down the street to our friends' yard sale. I didn't expect we'd be there long. But we were. Without sunscreen.
So HeyMama had bright red shoulders this morning. I slathered her in aloe. The redness spread down her arms. Then little bumps appeared. I called the doctor's office. By the time the nurse called back, the bumps had spread to her legs. The nurse scheduled us for an appointment in the evening. By the time we got there, the bumps were on her chest and back. They were spreading to her face.
The verdict? Allergic reaction to amoxicillin.
Poor HeyMama. She's red and swollen all over now. And itchy. And sad.
At bedtime, we all said special prayers for her little red bumps. Even MeToo asked God to make her feel better.
I hope the Benadryl works. At least we know she'll get a good night's sleep...
