Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I Think I Need A 12 Step Program


Hi. My name is Joy, and I’m an M&Maholic. I’ve been on M&Ms for over 30 years. But they didn’t really start becoming a problem until about 4 years ago. My experience started about the same as any other person:  a few M&Ms as a dessert, a small bag while Trick-or-Treating, the occasional M&Ms baked into cookies. I always wanted more, but they weren’t available.

Then I became an adult. I could buy M&Ms anytime I wanted! I’d imbibe occasionally in college, especially when they were baked into Monster Cookies. But I was a rower. It wasn’t a problem to have a few bags of them here or there. I’d burn them off in the first 10 minutes of the next day’s practice. I was in control.

My yearning for M&Ms always burned under the surface through my 20’s. If I wasn’t around them, I could ignore them. As long as they weren’t in my house, I didn’t have to eat them. And besides, I was still running and working out. It wasn’t a big deal. I was still in control.

And then I became pregnant. I was always hungry. And I’d been so sick during the first trimester that I’d lost weight. It didn’t matter what I ate; if the baby wanted it, we had it. And the baby wanted M&Ms. Especially since the vending machine at work was always stocked with them. Why cut back? Everything was fine. I needed the energy, and the calories didn’t matter. Everything was under control.

Two kids later, I’m back to eating for one again. And I’m not rowing. Or training for a marathon. And I don’t have the metabolism of a 20 year old. But the hunger is still there. In the beginning, a few Plain M&Ms would satisfy me. But as I built up a tolerance for them, I’d need to eat more and more to satiate my hunger. Then I tried Peanut M&Ms. And Dark M&Ms. I was hooked. And the Plain just didn’t quite cut it anymore. I had moved on to more powerful M&Ms, and there was no turning back. It soon became obvious that I'm no longer in control.

I’ve thought of going cold turkey. It sounds so simple:  “Just don’t buy any more M&Ms.” But I have to think of the children! They love M&Ms too. They earn them (one and two at a time) for poopies on the potty. I can’t take away their poopie reward! I can’t make them suffer for my addiction!

But, shamefully, I have to confess that I’ve been eating their poopie rewards all by myself. HeyMama has gone to the M&M jar on multiple occasions and found it nearly empty. She has to remind me to refill it. To cover for my mistakes. And the COST! M&Ms are not cheap. And not intended to be eaten by the Family-Size bag. I’ve been able to find them on sale most of the time. But more and more I’ve had to resort to paying FULL PRICE! (gasp!)

I know, I know, the shame just keeps coming. The more pounds I eat, the more pounds I gain. I’m so ashamed that it’s come to this. I’m walking around wearing POUNDS of M&Ms!

But they’re just so satisfying. So crunchy, sweet, and peanutty... And if you eat them fast enough, they really DON’T melt in your hand...

So please pray for me, my friends. I’m an M&Maholic, and I need help.

2 comments:

  1. I'll hold your hand through this addiction any day joy!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Emma! You're a good friend!

      Delete